34...to go

Before I enter a new decade of existence.  A little over a month.  What is next is almost cliche at this point, I say it so much.  Don't really have an answer for the question that now haunts me.  What is next, at the big number.  I mean age, cliche coming at ya, is nothing more than a number anyway but well, it has some relevance in life.  I front sometimes, or rather try to act as if I am not affected by the total revolutions of the earth but I am...especially when a new decade approaches.

I think the problem with birthdays after a certain age as they speak more to mortality than immortality.  Like, when you are young the next birthday brings with it so much excitement...13, 16, 18, 21, 25, 30...umm, yeah, kinda stop getting hype round there.  Still it is all very much about being young, or your age...hey man, I am just 30 something...not. Anymore that is.  I will not be.  Have not really grasped it all yet.  The literal aspects of it-the number you know.  Like, I am entering a club I heard about but it doesn't look like a lot of folks inside...lonely maybe.

On the flip side of anxiety regarding the sheer number itself is the practical and competitive me with me.  So, what have I accomplished?  What am I doing with my life, and am I en route to there?  Where, well, that next level of course.  Getting paid, living large, ballin...or just really enjoying what I do and being financially okay at the same time.  Questioning that right now you know.  The number does that to people.  Makes you question if you have really been working hard...enough.  Time is getting shorter...like days in the fall; wish I could fall back sometimes...midlife savings time.

But regardless of anxiety and emotion it is coming.  The number approaches, the number approaches...run for your life.  At least exercise more and eat better.  That is what the number does, makes you think a little bit more about the Venti Carmel Frappucino-and say naw-just black coffee for me.  And a water.  Side of boredom.  But seriously, I got to get it together only 34 more days to go.  Really like 33 and 1/3 as today is about shot.  33 days.

Maybe I am tripping because my wife is younger than me.  I mean, I knew that when we met.  She is great, just young...:-)  I can't say I don't love that, but it does make me think about my age sometimes.  Probably should up my life insurance.  Just jokes world...just trying to cope with this aging process that is all.  Just trying to get all prepared for the number.  Never really cared but for some reason this time it is on my mind.  At least right now.

I think it is all really about where do I feel I am in life, and basically how do I get to a "best" space?  Not so much worried about getting older, just analyzing whether or not I am moving forward as time progresses.  This is the question.  33 and 1/3 days to think it through.