44...

There was a solar eclipse today.  Pretty amazing.  The country was in a craze to find glasses, or make pinhole telescopes out of cereal boxes.  My wife and I made a cereal box telescope.  We also used a neighbor's solar eclipse glasses to look at a once in a lifetime eclipse.  The sky darkened.  There was a cool breeze. Then it was time to return the glasses.  We looked through our viewfinder and got the final experience.  America sat around and awaited the darkness, all over the country.  It has not been the first time darkness has filled the land...but the excitement associated with this moment has surpassed the the darker days of past weeks.  Briefly.

I turned 44 today as well.  It has not been a birthday I have thought about that much, but seeing as I have not written a word on this blog for over 2 years perhaps it is significant.  The album of the year, relevant to me at least if not the world, will likely be Jay-Z's introspective narrative to his wife entitled 4:44.  Maybe it is coincidence but the album, the eclipse...me, yeah, this means something.  It may just be because I want it to mean something, like I am approaching mid-life if I am not already there and I need a shift.  I need a move.

I am sure that a step in a different direction from a career standpoint is the shift that I am hoping for, working towards, imagining to be mine.  I have a good life.  Really.  There are far more joys than anything else in my life.  However, I am unsettled.  A career, at 44, a career shift or change or upheaval could prove to be the shock my existence needs to force me to breathe deeper.  Do more.  Dream without boundaries.

The Bug...

I have not been on an open mic for some time, at least six months.  It has also been a while since I actually had a performance-until Friday night.  I wrote several new pieces to prepare for a Black History event in my hometown of Winchester, Virginia.  I have not had a lot of time to practice, but I accepted the gig for a multitude of reasons.  I will outline them here, for myself and anyone else who cares enough to read along.

1.  Restoration-  It is funny, I have been on a journey in this new year to find out what is next for me personally.  I was just telling a friend on yesterday that I have a few things that I know I am good at.  I am a good husband-at least I work hard to be.  My wife is my best friend and so I think what we have works.  I am a good father.  Again, I work hard to be.  My kids, well they are the best of me...the love between my better half and I epitomized in the human form and I will do anything for them.  So yeah, I am good at being a dad because I truly want to be.  But, what am I good at personally...where is my career going?  This has been the question of 2015.  

I have been questioning how to get to the next opportunity-job, wealth, happiness (with me)...all that.  So, in that space the Shenandoah Arts Center reached out and asked did I want to perform in a program during Black History Month.  The irony in the request is that my parents, who now share the love of painting in their retirement, both had pieces hanging in the Arts Center gallery and would be part of the program.  So, here I am, wandering a bit in regards to where am I going and this blessing comes about. 

It is a blessing because I feel I am good at writing and reciting poetry.  It always feels somewhat vain stating that, and from my good ol' poetry slam days I wonder what would other poets think if they heard me, or rather read my words.  But being brought up in a hip-hop culture, bravado and understanding your skill set is simply a prerequisite to truly being great.  If you don't believe you are the best, or in this case at least good-then...so I believe, no I know I have skill here.  So the request, in the state of unknowing by which it came to me, allowed me to find myself in a place that was familiar.  The Shenandoah Arts Council gallery, in Winchester, with my parents and family, on stage (so to speak), reciting words from within my soul.  Restoration.

2.  History-  Black History Month, wow.  I cannot truly express what my feelings are with regard to African American aka Black History Month are.  For many years I have been given the privilege to share my poetry or storytelling gifts during the month of February.  My history and culture are very important to me, and I think to the entire American story.  My efforts during this time in the past have been to be a guide into my people's rich past for those outside my race and a beacon of light for the brothers and sisters within, that may just be unaware of their beauty.  I simply will not and cannot turn down any opportunity to share during Black History Month.  It is an honor to honor the ancestors, the named and un-named in any celebration.  I could go on and on here, but how dare I turn away from a request to enlighten others on our journey, as well as dig within myself to produce something worthy of our collective struggle.  I was given these gifts, writing and speech, by God in many ways for this simple purpose.  Period.

3.  Poetry-  I am a poet.  Not so much in the literary sense, as I do not have volumes of books that I have created, or published.  But I write.  Not even because I can as much as there are moments when I have to.  I mean I become overwhelmed with words and they pour out of my spirit on paper...or now onto the keys of my computer.  I sit and wade in emotions and rhythm and just allow the moment to take me there.  For this show, I wrote several new pieces.  When I read them it felt good, I mean they have not been digested within me yet, where I can play with the melody but the gig got me writing again.  It got me thinking about America, and tapping into my training as a political scientist to then give commentary to that which is happening here and abroad.  

Poetry has always been used to push forward political ideas, as a means of social engagement on issues of equality, justice, freedom and democracy.  As a poet I am driven that way and with the atmosphere in America what it is today, there is just cause to write, and write, and still write more.  In conjunction with the need to create I feel that this poetry, the way that it is born within me is not simply to be read-although this year I need to figure out how to publish the book-but it must be spoken,  "The power of words are greater, when words are spoken."  

4.  Performance-  I love to perform.  I thrive off the crowd, the attention that all are paying to the words...the exhilaration of the moment.  Performing has been something I have been doing on a very local level since I was a child.  I was in my first play around 6-years-old, and the stage had me hooked. I do not get to have these moments in my normal work life, and well that is a conversation at this point for me but moments like Friday are just few and far between.  But magical.  Not simply because of how I feel performing, but I always connect with someone on almost a spiritual level at one of my shows.  Often it is a young person, which makes it all worth while.  Friday was no different.  

I met a young man named Cedric who had a wonderful spirit and seemed to really enjoy the show.  He and his mother were beautiful people and the interaction with them stands out to me because it was so pure and genuine.  He was a young man who I knew loved art, even showed me some of his work and I pray that my performance reinforced the fact that art is okay.  Painting, dancing, singing poetry...it is all okay.  Be yourself and love that person.  I was encouraged by the light in his eyes when we were talking and it was the energy transference that I get out of performing.  I cannot get that any other way...it is just beautiful.  

So, I have the bug again.  The Spoken Word bug :-)  The art has me hooked and where we travel to in this stage of the journey I know not, but I am more in tune with the fact that I must take it all much more seriously.  Life is very short and the opportunity to be who you are and do what you love is not promised.  I must live in this moment...before it is gone.  

Like dust from whence we came

we shall return 

and all that we have gathered on our way

will be lost to the never 

again

to be seen

so why hide your talents 

in the ravine of your existence

wasting away

as if buried in your prime 

to be resurrected at another time

but the gifts 

given 

in this life 

were not truly for yourself 

but for everyone else

to simply experience

the God in you

so how dare you 

be 

ashamed 

of how these abilities

came to be 

for all that came to 

be 

came 

through he 

and he is God 

and you...

me

mere vessels of his choosing

using the talents 

placed within us each 

to speak with his children 

directly

in this space and time

connecting us all to 

to us all

for everything

is simply a continuation 

of a single stream

of consciousness

these gifts...

water to thirsty

food to the un-nourished

enlightenment

to those wandering 

in the wilderness

lost...looking desperately for the 

talent

that lies within

as if carrying the sands of time 

between 

open fingers

leaving the 

dust of what could 

be

on your 

hands

RMC Copyright 2015

4 Days in...2015

It is a new year.  New hopes, dreams, resolutions, goals...all new.  Some of these are just updated or revised hopes, dreams...etc.  Still, it is a new year so we can reboot our possibilities.  It is a blank canvas.  A fresh start.  We anticipate it and build up our lives to then start over...again and again.  I mean some may say that is a generalization about the New Year, but there is truth in it.  We, as human beings, are preoccupied with time and the New Year ritual is an example of that phenomenon.  I doubt our very own dogs and cats could care less when the ball drops...life is much more simple for 99% of the living beings on our planet.  But regardless of my line of pessimism, the new year is here.  I too am excited.

2014 brought closure to many things for me, as well as most importantly the birth of my daughter.  Therefore as doors closed, chapters ended, and life shifted so too did doors begin to open and life came into being.  2014 was a blessing for my family and I, and it will forever have a very special place in our hearts and minds.  But with all that said, what is next?  I mean, I have a new job, a new baby, and so much more responsibility but I feel there is more coming.  I feel like I am on the cusp of more than what I may even be able to imagine...I honestly understand that God has a plan for our lives and we will fulfill it if we just keep believing that our steps are ordered.

More than a plan has he for me
indeed, more than a chance happening will
my life be
I am destined for greater things than what
I see around me
greater things my
destiny

Although last year was good for my family, it was not so great for many others.  We saw more crime against black males, from both criminals and some who are paid to serve and protect, that a movement has started.  The BlackLivesMatter movement is built upon the foundation of civil disobedience, where peaceful protests are used to shut down the streets, office buildings etc, and within that time period.

Not so wonderful...world (In the wake of the Michael Brown decision)

I see Dreams deferred
hopes been denied
justice blindsided...
                           while children died
and I think to myself
it's a
not so wonderful world
think to myself
not so wonderful
seen hate be allowed
                            to fester and grow
cameras confusing people
with the pictures they show
and I think to myself
it's a
not so wonderful world
think to myself
it is all not so wonderful
world

He was a demon charging at me
he said
I feared for my life...
he said
and a jury of his peers said
he had done no wrong
grand in their decision said
the supposed prosecutor as he grandstanded
on stage
there will be no indictment of him
he said
he said his acts were lawful
and there was probable cause
for all his acts had caused
destruction, division, death...
to a child...a son...a friend
death...
to dreams-to faith-to community
death to an unarmed teen
is murder...
murder we said
as we stood in solidarity
in front of a house of cards
a building of false pretense
where the law pretends to defend the defenseless
outside we said
maybe today
on this night we believed
ever so slightly
that justice may prevail
maybe
yet they said the prevalence of evidence
was overwhelmingly in his favor
we said it always is
it seems
or it is...always
and it seems we had no more to say
and the President says this is a land of law
he said that something good can come out of this
but we said we have heard it all
before
why?
he has said it...already
after Trayvon, after Jordan, after-insert name here
and regardless of our fear we no longer
hear him...
on this night we are deaf to the conversation
but it is as if there are echoes amongst us
they all kept saying protest peacefully
non-violence is key
even the prosecutor said, while smirking at the podium, that we welcome peace
He said peace was welcome
as tear gas rained down
he said peace was welcome
as they prepared for war
weapons drawn
arms raised in defense of property
familiar...we said
like arms raised in defense of bullet shells shot
from a distance
his flesh could not resist the penetration
and as he fell forward
the final shot was fired...
smoked
unlike the $5 cigars he was never proven to steal
yet they said...in so many words, he got what
he deserved
as did we
what we deserve...
injustice we said
why?
they said it...already
Dred Scott set that stage
no rights he is bound to respect
nor life he is bound to protect
that is what it said
so it seemed
he said the same
and we have nothing
else to say
everyone has said
enough
as the fire burns
and the tears fall
enough
and as the victim is crucified
and the community blamed
enough
and as a mother's heart aches
and a father's soul dies
enough...
to God they do proclaim
and under our breath
and in our hearts
we say
the same...

I see Dreams deferred

hopes been denied

justice blindsided...

                           while children died

and I think to myself

it's a

not so wonderful world

think to myself

not so wonderful

seen hate be allowed 

                            to fester and grow

cameras confusing people 

with the pictures they show

and I think to myself 

it's a 

not so wonderful world 

think to myself

it is all not so wonderful

world

RMC

Copyright 2014

Dolo

To chill by oneself; kick it alone; ride solo; sans wingman, homie or g (girl, wifey, good good).  Dolo, with no intention but to just be amongst many and not be...present but not accounted for.  This is my status at this moment and it is cool.  Little brew in hand, my homeboy en route, listening to the sound of the city.  Sometimes you just gotta roll this way...