Late like two hours past yesterday
and I am awake...
the world sleeps violently
seems some dream of the day's deeds
be they dastardly or decent
most exist...
less live
awakened to existence
but lifeless
exhausted
not well rested
for their dreams make sleep
violent
mirror image of living
like the eyes reflect the world
the war
the death
the lies
the truth
the light-dim but still on
flickering
cannot sleep with the light
flickering
off
or on
off
or
on pace to waste away
the world
God gave us dominion over
dominated
and destroyed
more so
dying
she is
global warming
heat of man's ignorance
burns the 3rd rock
and it is hot in January now
still cold at night
and I
cannot sleep
haunted by dreams
of bastard children
in far off lands
who knew life not long
yet their dreams linger
looking for hope
losing faith
relevance
sleep no more little
children
for your dreams are waiting
wondering why
no one has claimed
them
but it is so late
and the people
are afraid to sleep...
so they lie
awake
abandoned dreams beneath
their eye lids
staring aimlessly at reality
lifeless
light barely flickering
off and on
and...
RushTaper Copyright 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Balance
Essentially it is all an act. This life thing, all an elaborate display of effort in its various manifestations over an indefinite period of time...to survive. The act of survival. That is all it is at the skeleton...after you tear away all the flesh of one's experience; the act was only about survival. Still, it is within the act that we live. Our effort to survive colored by success and failure-gain and loss-which provide the stage of life. Dreams and denials the backdrop...friends, enemies and strangers the actors. All an act...a theatrical play of sorts. Reality TV minus...well, you get it.
But although it is an act, the curtain can close early if you never learn your role. If you never fall into character, than life can be difficult to manuever through. I used to wonder why when someone did something that did not fit their normal pattern of behavior or rather was least expected, folks would say that person was "acting out of character." But now it is clear, the character they were referring to was the character put forth by the person everyday. In part the image of the person outsiders have chosen to see in their own reality, yet still a character created and developed by the person playing the part. Often people think you are who you think you are but who you really are not. Think about that for a second...let it marinate.
It is simple-good people have bad in them. It is the balance of life. Bad people have good in them. The tension between positive and negative energy creates the need for balance. It is the positive and negative aspects of life that creates a need for God. For many, God and balance are both one and the same. Or out of love of the former, the latter is maintained. So even in the act, there must balance. You would not want to fall off the stage...
But although it is an act, the curtain can close early if you never learn your role. If you never fall into character, than life can be difficult to manuever through. I used to wonder why when someone did something that did not fit their normal pattern of behavior or rather was least expected, folks would say that person was "acting out of character." But now it is clear, the character they were referring to was the character put forth by the person everyday. In part the image of the person outsiders have chosen to see in their own reality, yet still a character created and developed by the person playing the part. Often people think you are who you think you are but who you really are not. Think about that for a second...let it marinate.
It is simple-good people have bad in them. It is the balance of life. Bad people have good in them. The tension between positive and negative energy creates the need for balance. It is the positive and negative aspects of life that creates a need for God. For many, God and balance are both one and the same. Or out of love of the former, the latter is maintained. So even in the act, there must balance. You would not want to fall off the stage...
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
2007
It is a new year...a time to make resolutions, plans, promises to self that will surely increase the possibilities of 2007. Everyone does it, even those who do not try to still gain some small sense of optimism with the coming of a new year. I usually reflect around this time of year, on my accomplishments and otherwise from the previous 365 of life...the ups and downs, trials and tribulations and at times the breakthroughs. It was definitely one of tremendous growth. Comparitively speaking, one can argue that all years of life have growth within them, but I think when you face certain trials the growth that occurs is different. In other words, when the challenges that come about are foreign to say the least, then your response to those challenges forces you to develop in ways that would not have occurred had the challenge not been as it was...and thus, growth is different; at times more intense, painful-tremendous.
It is also funny to look at how different one year is to the next, even the way that the year is brought in. In this new year, I had a party at my home...a home I had just moved into last year-no furniture or anything then-and the party brought many people together that may have never even met otherwise, and it was cool. I must say that I enjoyed myself more than I ever have before and that was a good way to begin my year-with people I love, trust, and respect. Hopefully, all the relationships in the room that night will grow into lasting friendships...who knows what the year holds for us all. I know that I need to make some decisions on my future in 2007, real decisions.
Not necessarily about where I live, who I am dating or anything like that...but just where I am going in life and what is it that I wish to do with my life. It is like my course has changed...the plan I set forth initially-well, about three or four years ago has to be, how shall I say this, revised I guess. My life, well, I am just unsure about the direction that it is going into. The beautiful thing is I say this in regards to how do I wish to really enjoy my life, give back to the community and make a difference all at the same time. I mean it is not as if my life is negative now, just not as fulfilling as I one day hope it will be. Therefore the beauty lies in the possibility this new year brings...and the possibility that a firm belief in God reaffirms within my spirit.
It is also funny to look at how different one year is to the next, even the way that the year is brought in. In this new year, I had a party at my home...a home I had just moved into last year-no furniture or anything then-and the party brought many people together that may have never even met otherwise, and it was cool. I must say that I enjoyed myself more than I ever have before and that was a good way to begin my year-with people I love, trust, and respect. Hopefully, all the relationships in the room that night will grow into lasting friendships...who knows what the year holds for us all. I know that I need to make some decisions on my future in 2007, real decisions.
Not necessarily about where I live, who I am dating or anything like that...but just where I am going in life and what is it that I wish to do with my life. It is like my course has changed...the plan I set forth initially-well, about three or four years ago has to be, how shall I say this, revised I guess. My life, well, I am just unsure about the direction that it is going into. The beautiful thing is I say this in regards to how do I wish to really enjoy my life, give back to the community and make a difference all at the same time. I mean it is not as if my life is negative now, just not as fulfilling as I one day hope it will be. Therefore the beauty lies in the possibility this new year brings...and the possibility that a firm belief in God reaffirms within my spirit.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Trial
You think you know, but you have no idea...none, what so ever. What am I talking about, well simply trials. People often accompany them with tribulation, but let us look closely at the trial itself. It is the test, the period where you or rather all that you may think you are is questioned-your ability, your honesty, integrity...faith. Questioned...even perhaps by you before the trial is over. It is within this period that you will see how "strong" you are; if you are able to come through a trial successfully. Pass the test. The piece that we do not often understand is that in order to pass the test, overcome the trial, often one must fail.
It is always there, failure-on the flip side of every coin is the loser...the unlucky, the hapless chap, the failure. It can become a constant state of being, failure, if one never successfully comes through the trial. Therefore, at the onset the trial must never become you-never exist as you do, in real time and awake daily. No, you need to become bigger than the setback...larger than the experience. It is in this redefinition of self, this evolution of one's being to a greater level that you can overcome any setback, tribulation...trial. Life offers what some have defined as character-making moments, and it is in these moments that the person that you are and will be is truly born.
I have been tried...not by a jury of my peers
but by my fears, my pain, my loss of all
that I have attained
and yet I remain
standing...face red with cheeks tear-stained
yet I stand still
in plain view is one who has overcome
under-achieved yet believed
in the possibility of self
numb to yesterday's failures
pity does not help put food on the table
and a man that is able
need not beg God to provide
God has provided
for he who is alive
with the ability to remedy wrongs committed
from sin may be acquitted
released from trial free man
when one understands that both sin and trial
part of the divine plan
goal is to sin less
not be sinless for since this
life thing began
test have existed
and though man resisted
temptation...
foolishness is patient
waiting for the opportunity to feed
the ego with control-
when nothing truly within
the control of God's most precious
creation
the statement reigns so realistic
man as God's creation controls nothing
not even himself
mere possession of the Almighty
yet when one's arrogance outweighs
his dedication
the scale must be balanced
tribulation
and trial will befall where foolishness had been entertained...
the apple always tastes the same
shame...for just a while...
sunshine awaits on the other side
of
the
trial...
RushTaper Copyright 2006
It is always there, failure-on the flip side of every coin is the loser...the unlucky, the hapless chap, the failure. It can become a constant state of being, failure, if one never successfully comes through the trial. Therefore, at the onset the trial must never become you-never exist as you do, in real time and awake daily. No, you need to become bigger than the setback...larger than the experience. It is in this redefinition of self, this evolution of one's being to a greater level that you can overcome any setback, tribulation...trial. Life offers what some have defined as character-making moments, and it is in these moments that the person that you are and will be is truly born.
I have been tried...not by a jury of my peers
but by my fears, my pain, my loss of all
that I have attained
and yet I remain
standing...face red with cheeks tear-stained
yet I stand still
in plain view is one who has overcome
under-achieved yet believed
in the possibility of self
numb to yesterday's failures
pity does not help put food on the table
and a man that is able
need not beg God to provide
God has provided
for he who is alive
with the ability to remedy wrongs committed
from sin may be acquitted
released from trial free man
when one understands that both sin and trial
part of the divine plan
goal is to sin less
not be sinless for since this
life thing began
test have existed
and though man resisted
temptation...
foolishness is patient
waiting for the opportunity to feed
the ego with control-
when nothing truly within
the control of God's most precious
creation
the statement reigns so realistic
man as God's creation controls nothing
not even himself
mere possession of the Almighty
yet when one's arrogance outweighs
his dedication
the scale must be balanced
tribulation
and trial will befall where foolishness had been entertained...
the apple always tastes the same
shame...for just a while...
sunshine awaits on the other side
of
the
trial...
RushTaper Copyright 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Trippin
Hello world...it has been somewhat of a hiatus that I have taken, seriously...I have not posted anything in nearly a month. I have been busy, but that is no excuse. Life is funny you know, last week I was given the opportunity to go to Puerto Rico for my gig. It was truly some last minute "what can you do?" type stuff, but I said "yeah, anything for the team." That was the funny part, but regardless PR was cool. Beautiful people, weather, history and culture. It was a good getaway, considering other things in my life are not so...well, beautiful. God has a way of balancing out things for us all, and I truly feel he gave me access to that trip to take me out of the downward spiral I had mentally began to go on. The only thing about escaping for a minute, is the return...you have to return right? Reality. Soul to Soul used to have this song-Back to Life, back to reality, back to the here and now and then...when I landed at the airport, that song began playing in my head.
It was 33 degrees when I stepped off the plane-it had been at least 83 there when I left. Reality is cold. But seriously, I was ready to be home. I cannot speak Spanish very well, and that can be annoying to yourself as well as others when you are in a Spanish-speaking country. I realized that learning to be fluent is a task I wish to take on. I need it, truly need it. It would have been a different trip, and by the next time I go somewhere, PR, DR, Spain for that matter-shoot, LA, I want to be able to better communicate. It is a respect thing too. For instance, while there I met people who clearly understood English but would not repeat a word of it to me...and I know why. It is the same phenomenon that folks have here-how you gonna be in America and can't speak English, that is a...yeah, same issue just different locale. I respect that, and thus my challenge to myself.
Additionally, PR gave me somewhat of a different perspective on life altogether. I mean, I met some folks that were just living there...some folks from here. Just graduated from college, met some natives and went there to live and just see the world so to speak. That, damn, that is crazy in a way but admirable in another. I enjoyed hanging out with them, and just living...I mean I am famous for just stepping out on faith and walking around and seeing things where ever I go-so meeting people that have taken that attitude to a new level was refreshing. They were much younger than I, but I never even thought to take chances like that when I was their age. Maybe I was scared, or more so just did not even know that I could do that. I mean I never even got on a plane until 22...so travel was not innate to my being. Now, I truly want that to be a part of my entire life, traveling to different places to see the world...redefinition of "tripping".
I did do some writing there as well, and I guess between just relaxing, writing and being inspired by the carefree existence of others did I gain this new or different perspective. I have always been one who did not worry about what others thought of me, well, not specifically but I learned most recently that perhaps I did not know myself that well. In other words, maybe I was simply an illusion of grand assumptions...not that I did not illustrate the characteristics that most placed upon me when they thought of me, but perhaps I too fell into the characterization of self and not the actualization of self. None-the-less, I want more than I have-and only truly in the sense contentment in that which I do and all that I accomplish. I have some plans to put in motion before the New Year, and then allow God to direct the course-having laid out my plan, for 2007. All in all, PR is a good trip...everyone should have the chance to bask in the sun as winter approaches...warm your spirit for the cold weather about to come. Never stop tripping.
It was 33 degrees when I stepped off the plane-it had been at least 83 there when I left. Reality is cold. But seriously, I was ready to be home. I cannot speak Spanish very well, and that can be annoying to yourself as well as others when you are in a Spanish-speaking country. I realized that learning to be fluent is a task I wish to take on. I need it, truly need it. It would have been a different trip, and by the next time I go somewhere, PR, DR, Spain for that matter-shoot, LA, I want to be able to better communicate. It is a respect thing too. For instance, while there I met people who clearly understood English but would not repeat a word of it to me...and I know why. It is the same phenomenon that folks have here-how you gonna be in America and can't speak English, that is a...yeah, same issue just different locale. I respect that, and thus my challenge to myself.
Additionally, PR gave me somewhat of a different perspective on life altogether. I mean, I met some folks that were just living there...some folks from here. Just graduated from college, met some natives and went there to live and just see the world so to speak. That, damn, that is crazy in a way but admirable in another. I enjoyed hanging out with them, and just living...I mean I am famous for just stepping out on faith and walking around and seeing things where ever I go-so meeting people that have taken that attitude to a new level was refreshing. They were much younger than I, but I never even thought to take chances like that when I was their age. Maybe I was scared, or more so just did not even know that I could do that. I mean I never even got on a plane until 22...so travel was not innate to my being. Now, I truly want that to be a part of my entire life, traveling to different places to see the world...redefinition of "tripping".
I did do some writing there as well, and I guess between just relaxing, writing and being inspired by the carefree existence of others did I gain this new or different perspective. I have always been one who did not worry about what others thought of me, well, not specifically but I learned most recently that perhaps I did not know myself that well. In other words, maybe I was simply an illusion of grand assumptions...not that I did not illustrate the characteristics that most placed upon me when they thought of me, but perhaps I too fell into the characterization of self and not the actualization of self. None-the-less, I want more than I have-and only truly in the sense contentment in that which I do and all that I accomplish. I have some plans to put in motion before the New Year, and then allow God to direct the course-having laid out my plan, for 2007. All in all, PR is a good trip...everyone should have the chance to bask in the sun as winter approaches...warm your spirit for the cold weather about to come. Never stop tripping.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)