Status check...

When I was a little kid, I used to dream about 2010...like spaceships and alien life forms, robots and cities in the sky. But 2010, although different from the past, is not so futuristic. Life is truly very much the same, folks still trying to make it. Materialism is the religion of choice, and the word freedom can be used to justify just about anything-from personal behavior to the acts of states. Again, not so different from 1910. I mean the technology has advanced...but does that mean the people have?

I would argue that communication, in all its various forms, has broadened in a way that will drive the world to both its highest and lowest levels in the future. For instance, right now upon posting people in the far reaches of the world can read my thoughts, nearly instantaneously. But just the same, someone can hack your account and wipe out all your money in an instant. All via the communication super highway...I mean know the proper term is information, but all these various systems are communicating so more than anything it is all about communication.

Communication. It seems there are so many ways to communicate now that we seldom use the old fashioned sit down discussion of days past. No, it is a text or e-mail at this point...we don't even use the phone we carry (at all times) to talk anymore. At least not with our mouths. It is all about the world knowing everything about you-what you just ate, read, saw, did...but in actuality they all know nothing. Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, etc. etc....all so everyone can socially connect every second of every day. This is our present...my generation X's futuristic tomorrow that Luke Skywalker prophesied about in a galaxy far, far away. Well, not quite. But this is what 2010 has brought about.

Still, with all these forms of communication there are no less wars, 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, the high school dropout rate is alarming and poverty...it is still the same. It adds fuel to the debate on whether our history, American or global at this point, is a linear progression. In other words, is man continually progressing towards an elevated state of being? Is that even possible?

I do not know the answer to these questions, or the multitude of others that fall in behind them. It really all depends on how one sees the world. To some the atomic bomb, was progress...to others, the beginning of the end. Nuclear energy is now the topic of discussion amongst the world's countries. Who should be allowed to possess its infinite power, and capability of destruction. No one. But that is not the debate. Again, it goes to how one sees the world. The world in the year 2010.

Where are we headed? Humanity that is, what is the destination for our people? There are so many opinions and now, with the communication capacity of the web, those opinions are multiplied by the billions. There is no consensus to life anymore. There are pockets of belief and conformity-but the fragmentation of thought continues by the second. Still, in the midst of what some may say is chaos-love continues to survive, children are laughing, people are getting old, racism, sexism and hate are diminishing...we are changing. Not all good, but not all bad.

2010.

Space...

I sit here alone
few hours prior to dawn
thinking of life
differently
what if? myself
to sleep
perhaps...
but the past
flashes in my mind
like fireflies
on a summer's eve
thoughts traveling ever so gently
through the dark
spaces of my
consciousness
at nighttime while
others peacefully dream
I sit alone
staring at the computer
screen
tapping out emotions
in morse code
as if the keyboard can feel
my spirit
yet it feels nothing
numb
as my fingertips be
as mental
photographs of yesterday
envelope
my being
seeing it all like a
movie
plays out...
the ending a fabrication of
false reality
because this is
what is
and the could be's
will never-
or better yet
may not
flower this season
and though I will shower myself
with reason in the morning
at present the night has my attention
and rest suspended by
forgetten sensibility
silly of me to have doused
imagination
in a belated epiphany
only to paint myself
in a corner of question marks

Anew

It is funny, how many times you start anew...I am going to start fresh on Monday-working out, eating less junk food, reading more, being a better friend-yada, yada, yada. Most often, something, be it a statement someone made, or a great book or a character in a movie...something has usually motivated you to get to the "Anew" position. It is not a bad thing I suppose, I mean we should be allowed to re-create ourselves as often as we like. It takes time to truly get to the essence of who we are...and that may be a life long journey. You don't have to stay the same. Same old same old; naw.

In that light, anew is a good term. One that all should encounter and embrace. It does not last long, I mean once you start "anew" it is no longer anew-it is well, it just is. I mean once you begin a journey you are no longer beginning you are on the journey. Once you decide to change either bad habits or simply develop some new ones the new piece is gone. Thing is, only way to stay on the "new" path is to use discipline in your approach. The D word. I think more than anything, the D word is like the whole foundation of "Anew".

Check it out...you will be forever starting anew if you do not incorporate discipline. I do not know how many times I "started" working out. I think the longest consecutive visits had to be like a year-2 or 3 times a week-and I was in good condition. But the trials of life take you out of routine space and well-I am about to start Anew tomorrow...ummm yeah. If I could get up in the morning than-wait-if I had the discipline to go to bed early and get up in the morning I could work out before work...say word. Word...so it goes back to the D.

Regardless, we will forever be starting anew at something. The beauty of life is that if you wake up in the morning you have yet another opportunity to change the way you are living for the betterment of your entire existence. I truly think the power we have to determine our future, our life, based on our choices, is somehow lost between socialization and religion. Often, we put all the hard stuff on God or society-Lord please help me pay all these bills or the government aint got a program to help me make it through tough times...but when it is all good, well, we take all the credit for that. Look at this new car I bought-or this promotion I earned...where is God in that, or your free public education. The fact is we have control over the good and the bad aspects of our life, and although God is always with us he provided us with free will to make decisions and choices in our lives.

This free will, coupled with logic and reason, allow us to at times see our errors and try to rectify them within ourselves. This is what me mean by starting anew. God gives us a second chance so to speak every morning we are able to open our eyes. A new day to become what are dreams have defined us to be...

Registration

I registered for class today. One step closer to attaining one of the most elusive goals I ever put in front of myself. A degree. One that has given me heartache and pain but which will not leave my spirit, and for myself and my ancestors I have to complete this race. One step closer today.

I also closed the chapter on Virginia. I registered my car on Friday-and it is official I am a DC resident tried and true. I still need to turn in my old tags, but the time and space in VA is over. My new life can be clear of much of the past-few bills to clean up but all in all I am at home in the District finally.

I went back to work today. After two weeks away, it was hard to go in and there was some anxiety about the job...considering I have assumed some additional duties there, but I am okay. It was not a very difficult adjustment and I am happy in some ways to be back inside my routine and ready to work.

It is a new day. Many positive aspects of life stare at me right in the eye. I must not settle for less from myself and try to bring the best out of all those around me. I have an opportunity to be a good man, a strong husband, a contributor to my community and an asset to the organization I work for. If my grandfathers had the opportunity I have before me now, they would not have squandered it. They set me up for this day and I cannot let my family and ancestors down.

I cannot let myself down. To those given much, much is expected in return. This is my season of preparation, where I fine tune the man God needs to do his work later on. I must only remain faithful and diligent. Know that which is truly for you as a man.

Birthday and thangs

I am 36 years old...right now, today. I have to embrace it, because it is not going to change whether I want it to or not. I have just returned from a 10 day stint in Costa Rica-beautiful-but here it is 3am and I am up. Cant really sleep...either it is the fact that DC does not feel like Costa Rica, or my birthday has awakened me. The latter seems more realistic-though the District is definitely not a tropical paradise it is home. My age, well, it is all in what you do within the dash right? I am just saying, the story goes that it does not matter what date you are born, nor the one on which you die it is all about the dash-what happened between the time you came in and went out.

I get this way on my birthday, reflective and all. But it is real, I mean this year marks my first b-day as a married man. I feel I have already said that, but it can be stated again today. In that statement however, are some inherent responsibilities. Not simply for me but for my family...though it is just us two at the moment that may change in the near future. I say all this because it is very much time for me to take life...well, seriously. I could have a debate with myself on this, in that I do not think that I have been a joke at this life thing...but, where I want to go and how I will get there is more important to me right now than ever before.

It is not all about the change in my marital status, but an even greater change in me. I want to be happy in my daily life. I want my professional career to be just that, a career and not a job. A job is something you go to, a career is that which you do-different right? That is what I need, and therefore at this point I have to make it happen. I know this all sounds cliche and you may go back to an earlier entry and say, look, you made the same statement last year and where are you? Well, progress has been made this past year, so I could say better off. Also, there is no day when you wake up having made it and the work is then over...the work is never over.

I think that is the mistake that people make, and even I have made in my thinking previously. Like with work and luck one day I would make it-get there-grab hold of the brass ring...and all work would be done. Well, it just is not true. The more you make, either financiallly or simply of yourself, the more work there is to manage it. The CEO does not attain that position and find out that the work is over. No, it has really just begun. I understand that right now. It is clear.

It is for this reason that the work that you do, or at least the work that I do in the near future has to be more than indirectly impactful on the world. I feel I can truly effect positive change, so my work should reflect that. Then it is passion, not finance that drives the energy behind the work. It is a totally different yet very much the same. So I guess, all in all, that is my birthday wish...to focus on the work right now and try not to waver from it, understanding in a short time there will be a payoff for the disciplined approach to life. On this birthday, this new year of life, let me dedicate myself to improvement and fulfillment of the dream. Every dream, I have ever had.

Happy Birthday to me.