Trial

You think you know, but you have no idea...none, what so ever. What am I talking about, well simply trials. People often accompany them with tribulation, but let us look closely at the trial itself. It is the test, the period where you or rather all that you may think you are is questioned-your ability, your honesty, integrity...faith. Questioned...even perhaps by you before the trial is over. It is within this period that you will see how "strong" you are; if you are able to come through a trial successfully. Pass the test. The piece that we do not often understand is that in order to pass the test, overcome the trial, often one must fail.

It is always there, failure-on the flip side of every coin is the loser...the unlucky, the hapless chap, the failure. It can become a constant state of being, failure, if one never successfully comes through the trial. Therefore, at the onset the trial must never become you-never exist as you do, in real time and awake daily. No, you need to become bigger than the setback...larger than the experience. It is in this redefinition of self, this evolution of one's being to a greater level that you can overcome any setback, tribulation...trial. Life offers what some have defined as character-making moments, and it is in these moments that the person that you are and will be is truly born.

I have been tried...not by a jury of my peers
but by my fears, my pain, my loss of all
that I have attained
and yet I remain
standing...face red with cheeks tear-stained
yet I stand still
in plain view is one who has overcome
under-achieved yet believed
in the possibility of self
numb to yesterday's failures
pity does not help put food on the table
and a man that is able
need not beg God to provide
God has provided
for he who is alive
with the ability to remedy wrongs committed
from sin may be acquitted
released from trial free man
when one understands that both sin and trial
part of the divine plan
goal is to sin less
not be sinless for since this
life thing began
test have existed
and though man resisted
temptation...
foolishness is patient
waiting for the opportunity to feed
the ego with control-
when nothing truly within
the control of God's most precious
creation
the statement reigns so realistic
man as God's creation controls nothing
not even himself
mere possession of the Almighty
yet when one's arrogance outweighs
his dedication
the scale must be balanced
tribulation
and trial will befall where foolishness had been entertained...
the apple always tastes the same
shame...for just a while...
sunshine awaits on the other side
of
the
trial...

RushTaper Copyright 2006

Trippin

Hello world...it has been somewhat of a hiatus that I have taken, seriously...I have not posted anything in nearly a month. I have been busy, but that is no excuse. Life is funny you know, last week I was given the opportunity to go to Puerto Rico for my gig. It was truly some last minute "what can you do?" type stuff, but I said "yeah, anything for the team." That was the funny part, but regardless PR was cool. Beautiful people, weather, history and culture. It was a good getaway, considering other things in my life are not so...well, beautiful. God has a way of balancing out things for us all, and I truly feel he gave me access to that trip to take me out of the downward spiral I had mentally began to go on. The only thing about escaping for a minute, is the return...you have to return right? Reality. Soul to Soul used to have this song-Back to Life, back to reality, back to the here and now and then...when I landed at the airport, that song began playing in my head.

It was 33 degrees when I stepped off the plane-it had been at least 83 there when I left. Reality is cold. But seriously, I was ready to be home. I cannot speak Spanish very well, and that can be annoying to yourself as well as others when you are in a Spanish-speaking country. I realized that learning to be fluent is a task I wish to take on. I need it, truly need it. It would have been a different trip, and by the next time I go somewhere, PR, DR, Spain for that matter-shoot, LA, I want to be able to better communicate. It is a respect thing too. For instance, while there I met people who clearly understood English but would not repeat a word of it to me...and I know why. It is the same phenomenon that folks have here-how you gonna be in America and can't speak English, that is a...yeah, same issue just different locale. I respect that, and thus my challenge to myself.

Additionally, PR gave me somewhat of a different perspective on life altogether. I mean, I met some folks that were just living there...some folks from here. Just graduated from college, met some natives and went there to live and just see the world so to speak. That, damn, that is crazy in a way but admirable in another. I enjoyed hanging out with them, and just living...I mean I am famous for just stepping out on faith and walking around and seeing things where ever I go-so meeting people that have taken that attitude to a new level was refreshing. They were much younger than I, but I never even thought to take chances like that when I was their age. Maybe I was scared, or more so just did not even know that I could do that. I mean I never even got on a plane until 22...so travel was not innate to my being. Now, I truly want that to be a part of my entire life, traveling to different places to see the world...redefinition of "tripping".

I did do some writing there as well, and I guess between just relaxing, writing and being inspired by the carefree existence of others did I gain this new or different perspective. I have always been one who did not worry about what others thought of me, well, not specifically but I learned most recently that perhaps I did not know myself that well. In other words, maybe I was simply an illusion of grand assumptions...not that I did not illustrate the characteristics that most placed upon me when they thought of me, but perhaps I too fell into the characterization of self and not the actualization of self. None-the-less, I want more than I have-and only truly in the sense contentment in that which I do and all that I accomplish. I have some plans to put in motion before the New Year, and then allow God to direct the course-having laid out my plan, for 2007. All in all, PR is a good trip...everyone should have the chance to bask in the sun as winter approaches...warm your spirit for the cold weather about to come. Never stop tripping.

The Glass is Half-Full...

Life is a miraculous experience. I mean, just rising from the bed every morning and breathing is a joy in itself but by not allowing sadness or misfortune to consume you...that is where the miracle comes in. In other words, one can only take so much negativity-hardship-failure, before there is a constant state of depression. I read somewhere that there are more cases of clinical depression now than ever...even more people taking drugs to escape to a happy place. I used to sit by this lady on my first job, large woman with an even larger spirit. However, she popped Prozac like they were going out of style...and she would always say "got to take my Happy pill." A pill to be happy...what would God think about that?

Happiness again, is just rising from bed, and thanking God for your existence. However, that is for me. I have come to the conclusion that life is not so grand for everyone. Regardless, it is what you make of it, so no one need see the glass as less than half full...if you have anything in the glass than you have the possibility of doing better. In other words, you have the ability or opportunity to add to what you have; build on the foundation which you currently stand upon. It is the old cliche, make the most out of you situation. It could always be worse...I hear so many people say that and that is not a bad point to make but I rather say it can always get better. I mean if it is bad, than yeah-perhaps something else could happen to take you that much further down but more than likely something will go right...and lift you up. God loves you...honestly, and although trial and tribulation will come God, in my belief system, does not want you to constantly be in confusion and pain. Therefore, as you go through something understand that you will "GO THROUGH IT", meaning it will pass...you will enter and exit out of every situation, in time.

But I am on a tangent...today, I simply want to tell the world that the glass is half-full. Regardless of your situation, the way in which you see yourself within the situation is where the power to overcome it lies. If you believe that you are in a bad relationship, but you see yourself as a good person who has made some bad choices, then change your choices and learn from the situation...God provided the bad relationship to help you later identify what is good. The glass remained half-full in spite of the situation...

Evaluation of Self...

I think the hardest thing for people to do, myself included, is evaluate themselves. I mean truly take a hard look at the external, and internal being and be open as well as critical of all that they see. I, presently, have begun such an evaluation. Ironically speaking, I had my performance review at work just yesterday, and it was real good...may even fall into a bonus. I work hard, but know I could do better-still, I had a good review...evaluation. So, as I sit down with myself, I try to look at both the positive and negative aspects of my being, the successes and the recent failures, the sins and well, there is no opposite of sin. This examination is not going to be done in a day or two, it may well take years to truly come to some rational conclusions but it has begun. I am looking inward for answers to my own shortcomings, faults, and also to my purpose as a human being.

Already, and like just last night, I had somewhat of an epiphany during this exploration. Perhaps, I am on the wrong path...like, perhaps I have been working towards the wrong thing for a while and God is screaming at me to change course. Do something differently. The phrase "stay the course" sounds so foolish, when I think of the President using it with regard to our nation's situation in Iraq-but, am I just as foolish in my "staying the course" in areas of my life that are not fulfilling? Even more so, because at least the President is passionate about his need to continue...I at this point, do not wield that same sort of passion with regard situations and committments I have taken on. This, as I examine myself, could be part of the reason why some endeavors have been unsuccessful.

Do you know where you are going to...
do you know the things
that life
is showing you
where are you going to
do you know...
or even understand
that the plan God has set forth
is beyond your
comprehension
not to mention
that you do not control
anything outside the desires of
your soul
emotions of your heart
at times we are set apart
pushed back
from that which we believe
is ours
or should be
but everything we want
is not always
for us
nor do we
need all we
wish to have
so be glad
in the journey
find gain in the exchange
of life and ideas
embrace both your fears
and triumphs
failures and successes
for all are the nexus
of your being
begin again
a million times more once
you have started
but never depart from he
who guides without words
leads without command
simply follow
at times it may be slow
but until you know
where you are going to
the things that life is
showing
until you know
then believe
and you shall
one day
find your way
your path
your purpose...

RushTaper Copyright 2006

Decisions 2006- America Sings the Blues...

In the wide world of politics, media commentary and social comprehension someone came up with the idea to label the political parties by color- Blue for the the Democrats and Red for the Republicans. Now, one could fall into an entire debate over the deep inner meaning behind the colors, but that is not for now. For now, America sings the Blues...for real. As of November 7th, 2006, the American people turned the tables on conservatism and blind allegiance, and the Democrats-or Blues-are now back in power in the entirety of Congress. Well, almost in power...for in my home state of good ol'Virginny there is a sore loser who will not admit defeat. His name George Allen...former Governor, Senator and now...well, he is sorta just a regular citizen. His is a story in poor choices and a bad campaign-once poised to be the golden boy of the Republican party, now he is destined for a long political shelf life. Virginia's Senate seat now the keystone to the balance of power in Congress-and with the Democrat Jim Webb announced as victor by the Associated Press all that is left to seal the deal is Allen's acceptance. That will be no time soon.

Regardless, it is a new day...right...right? I do hope so. I was speaking to a friend about the election just yesterday and I told her that I felt good about the changes that could take place, but I was also nervous about the outcome of those prospective changes. I did not know how to frame my concern, but this very morning I was having the discussion again and it came to me- cautiously optimistic. That is the feeling-I, like most of America today, look forward to a new direction for our federal government and for the placement of parameters on the absolute power exerted by the Executive branch over the last 6 years. Already, the President has shown how serious this change in Congress is, as Donald Rumsfeld has stepped down-or rather was told to. We shall see what the mighty Democrats have in store for America, and if any party can re-establish our foreign policy relations while truly addressing the domestic issues that plague our society-simultaneously. The blame game is over...