Solitude

After a week of family, extended family and friends I sit here at nearly 1am alone. I am very pleased to be doing so. I do not know why I am still up, I do have work in the morning but I just wanted to put a few thoughts into cyberspace before I drifted off. Christmas was delightful, and I did buy gifts for my loved ones and some stuff for myself-the grinch in me. But this moment, is peaceful. It is not a knock on anything in my life, but to just sit in silence with your own thoughts for a moment, it is a blessing.

Many look at being alone as a setup for lonliness. Well, I am seldom alone and even when I was totally by myself I never felt lonely. At times I longed for company, but I could always find contentment in myself. I am an only child, and in that experience one knows how to function with no one else around. We do not learn, for a very long time that all we are as a child we remain...each day of our youth a block in the foundation of our adulthood. As an only child, you learn to treasure solitude, for the opportunity for it occurs more often than not...what you do with it is up to you.

I most often write in this space...this solitary minute in my lifetime. I think because it is gone so quickly, leaving me even as I write these words, I try with my writing to capture it for us or even future generations of people. You will be defined in time by how you are recorded today. I suppose I will organize my words in the best way to characterize myself in the future-or would that be simply promotion of false reality?

At times, I feel that much of history is merely an opinion of the writer. The spice, the color, the hero the-the villian, all created by one to entertain the masses. So here in solitude, I work diligently on the definition of self-

selfishly I see
nothing but my own future
right in front of
me
I extend my hand
to grasp it
pull it in
but it passes
swiftly
and I am left
alone
with no future
grasping at the present
afraid to look back at how
long it has
been
since my direction was clear
have to pray
my way outta
here
return to the quiet space
where
God whispers instructions
ever-so gently
listen
all is quiet.