My man, one of my best friends in the world, called me and told me his wife had their baby...his first baby. A boy. His name is Julian. My friend of 16 years has a son now and I see the miracle of God and his infinite blessings falling upon him. What will his little boy grow to be...a doctor, lawyer, athelete, husband, father...future. He is simply that at this moment, the future. We give children too little credit, they are the life many of us have already lost or merely given up on. They bring forth new hopes and dreams for their parents, grandparents and in many ways for all who meet them. I smile every time I see a child, for they deserve that from me. They carry no shame, no prejudice...pure innocence. What will we fill them with? Often our own issues we placate on our children, until they are burdened with issues they will never be able to grasp for themselves-for we taint their opinion, their future decisions. I pray for all little children of the world-may the adults find a better path of which to lead them upon. But on this day, in this time, I celebrate a new life and the future of my good friend's name. Congratulations my brother, love to you and he I have yet to meet...
He is my first son,
born to me as blessing
and I cry tears of
revery
for he is all of the best
of everything I could
ever dream of...
all the best of
me...
my son
this child whom has grown
deep within the warmth of
love
shared between I and
she
my reflection
we have created
life
new...fresh...pure
a cure for all that ails
my spirit
and I can hear
the Creator whispering praise
in my ear
in my eyes I see
the beauty
of my ancestors
and my Grandmother
would be so proud
of this most recent
addition
she is positioned over
us both
for protection
and what a blessing
that God chose we
my wife and I
given life
in the form of
he
my sweet and beautiful
son
Julian
RushTaper Copyright 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Passion
I once met a woman and began to talk to her. We exchanged the normal pleasantries, titles and occupations with relative ease and the conversation was enjoyable. I then abruptly asked her, "What is you passion?" She did not quite understand the question, and asked me to explain. I simply restated the word- passion- "What is your passion...or rather what are you most passionate about?" She told me no one had ever asked her that question...and that she did not know. The conversation trailed off after that exchange...and well, I could not even tell you her name. In essence, the name of the woman does not matter it is the interaction that brings forth this entry, and that is the fact that she did not know what her passion was and had never bothered to even think of it. I do not feel like she is alone; that most people do not know what their passion is nor are they in active pursuit of it.
I may be one of those people. I went to a play last night. It was an August Wilson play entitled Jitney at the Ford's Theater. I knew one of the cast members, as we had worked together about 5 or 6 years ago. He had told me when we were both employees in the same spot, that this 9 to 5 was not him and he longed to be an actor. He told me he was going to try to make because he had a passion for acting. I remember thinking, man, you are way older than me-why you gonna try and be an actor now...that is not real responsible. I was a doubter...not necessarily in him but in the entire notion of pursuing your passion. I went to a reception after the play, and got to meet all the actors and see my friend. I told him how proud I was of him, and how much I enjoyed the play and his role within it. He told me the road has not been easy, but he feels so good simply doing what he loves to do...
Often, we are caught in routine; a safe routine where the biggest chance we take is buying a lottery ticket. I truly think that most are deterred from their passion as children...parents try to mold their children's lives to ensure they have the best opportunity to be successful. However, even if certain traits or desires are identified early, if they do not coincide with the route a parent thinks is best then those traits, desires...passions are not cultivated. I do not blame parents for this, it is a matter of socialization. I mean, if I had to work hard to make it I want my child to have it easier, and take the opportunities I provide to be better than me. The problem is that this notion of better most often has to do with "finance" and nothing to do with passion. Money does not equate happiness; a job that you have no love for is more punishment than pleasure.
The arguement is however, that passion cannot feed you. It can...there are millions of people eatting off their passion. But I do understand, a good job that pays well is not always easy to come by. The responsibilities of life can move you quickly from what one would like to do, to what one has to do. Passion can be misleading, unpredictable and inconsistent. It can rise and fall, and bring ridicule and even shame. Still, to live life for something that you really and truly believe in and to committ your life to work in that area is a beautiful notion. To be all your heart desires you to be...is that not what God intended? To me, God placed a passion for something within us all...and in some way the Creator wishes for us to pursue that which has been placed into our spirit-the catch is we must trust in him, through trial and tribulation, to reach that which we were born to pursue. Thus, passion and faith go hand in hand.
If we continue to hide from ourselves, we will never really know all we can be. If we never pursue our passion, then will we have ever truly lived? There are no true answers to this question, all must ask it of themselves and then reflect on their lives...am I getting the most out of this life or is it a dull routine that becomes more mundane by the minute? I used to perform and do spoken word poetry...now, I remember when I did. Occasionally I may do a performance-church or a school-but it is not as frequent as I would like. I think I will begin again...seeking out my passion and living, at least in part, for it. So I go back to the conversation with the unknown woman and ask the world- "What is your Passion?" - and will you ever pursue that which is within yourself?
I may be one of those people. I went to a play last night. It was an August Wilson play entitled Jitney at the Ford's Theater. I knew one of the cast members, as we had worked together about 5 or 6 years ago. He had told me when we were both employees in the same spot, that this 9 to 5 was not him and he longed to be an actor. He told me he was going to try to make because he had a passion for acting. I remember thinking, man, you are way older than me-why you gonna try and be an actor now...that is not real responsible. I was a doubter...not necessarily in him but in the entire notion of pursuing your passion. I went to a reception after the play, and got to meet all the actors and see my friend. I told him how proud I was of him, and how much I enjoyed the play and his role within it. He told me the road has not been easy, but he feels so good simply doing what he loves to do...
Often, we are caught in routine; a safe routine where the biggest chance we take is buying a lottery ticket. I truly think that most are deterred from their passion as children...parents try to mold their children's lives to ensure they have the best opportunity to be successful. However, even if certain traits or desires are identified early, if they do not coincide with the route a parent thinks is best then those traits, desires...passions are not cultivated. I do not blame parents for this, it is a matter of socialization. I mean, if I had to work hard to make it I want my child to have it easier, and take the opportunities I provide to be better than me. The problem is that this notion of better most often has to do with "finance" and nothing to do with passion. Money does not equate happiness; a job that you have no love for is more punishment than pleasure.
The arguement is however, that passion cannot feed you. It can...there are millions of people eatting off their passion. But I do understand, a good job that pays well is not always easy to come by. The responsibilities of life can move you quickly from what one would like to do, to what one has to do. Passion can be misleading, unpredictable and inconsistent. It can rise and fall, and bring ridicule and even shame. Still, to live life for something that you really and truly believe in and to committ your life to work in that area is a beautiful notion. To be all your heart desires you to be...is that not what God intended? To me, God placed a passion for something within us all...and in some way the Creator wishes for us to pursue that which has been placed into our spirit-the catch is we must trust in him, through trial and tribulation, to reach that which we were born to pursue. Thus, passion and faith go hand in hand.
If we continue to hide from ourselves, we will never really know all we can be. If we never pursue our passion, then will we have ever truly lived? There are no true answers to this question, all must ask it of themselves and then reflect on their lives...am I getting the most out of this life or is it a dull routine that becomes more mundane by the minute? I used to perform and do spoken word poetry...now, I remember when I did. Occasionally I may do a performance-church or a school-but it is not as frequent as I would like. I think I will begin again...seeking out my passion and living, at least in part, for it. So I go back to the conversation with the unknown woman and ask the world- "What is your Passion?" - and will you ever pursue that which is within yourself?
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Now and Then
On Monday we, America, celebrated the life of a King...Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. You can just look at his name and understand that God had a plan for his life...King...hmmm. I mean there are others with the same surname, but my comment just goes to the fact that his name and life's work was most appropriate. Most know the story of the Civil Rights Movement, in some form or fashion. Black folks got the right to vote, access to housing and public space, better schools...equality in all things civil, hence the term. However, the irony is that these Civil Rights had been assured long before-just never upheld and protected. So legislation was drafted atop legislation which had been drafted to, how shall I say, supersede the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence. In other words, that which the Declaration, well, declared, had not been enough. That all men were created equal...the ideology of equality was compromised, ironically, it was a mere half-truth or more appropriately 3/5th of the truth-(insert laugh if you think appropriate.)
None-the-less, on the backs of ancestors much stronger than any men or women present today the African people in American survived...subsequently, now African-American people have a totally different comprehension of the freedom their fore mentioned ancestors prayed to attained. I assume each generation of people has a different viewpoint with regard to their respective history. It is drawn from their own experiences and the translation of the experiences of those that came before them. Today one of the biggest oppressors of African-American people is in some respects African-American people, themselves. But that is not the issue in this entry. Dr. King was hope. He was one man, who represented the thousands that moved a country into a new and unfamiliar stage of enlightenment. Dr. King was arguably the most powerful African-American man of his time...and of all time for that matter. In this, power is not relegated to economic or social status, but to the ability to evoke change and make folks who would otherwise ignore you-listen and possibly act. Since April 3rd, 1968 African-American people have sought out a new leader...the nation has sought out a person with as deep a concern for the kaleidoscope of humanity...yet found no one.
That was then...til now. It must be understood that there is no comparison to Dr. King. The man is often defined by the situation he finds himself within, and how he overcomes and achieves in spite of it. The situation presented to King was an America deep within the throes of segregation, discrimination and injustice. Against overwhelming odds, he became the face of a collective movement into a foreign territory-the dream of a truly shared reality where prejudice is lessened by identifying the "sameness" of humanity. We are one nation, one people...America. The nation was summarily moved...both literally and figuratively speaking. That was then...til now.
There is no measurement stick on how far we have come. There are many opinions; my own life a grand illustration of the possibilities of my generation-1st male to go to college in my immediate family, 1st male to graduate, 1st male to receive a Master's degree and continue...others have followed and will continue to. This was the dream of my grandfathers, and those before them...it is now reality. But simultaneously, there is a large number within the collective African-American community who are suffering from poverty, mis-education, self-hate, injustice and indifference. Theirs is a reality dark in comparison and thus the measuring stick of progress serves no purpose or rather it cannot be applied consistently. Still, the possibilities of my generation and this time period are tremendous. Some may argue the possibilities are perhaps more than King could have imagined? I mean when I have a child I can tell them that he or she, can be anything...anything they want to be. He or she could even be President of the United States. Right?
Jesse Jackson, Sr., who stood beside King when he was gunned down at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee, ran for President in 1984 and 1988. Although some argue it was more symbolic than substantive, it happened. For me as a child during the first campaign and a teen during the second, it was encouraging. I remember using his "Our Time Has Come" slogan in my campaign for class president in high school. Jesse did not receive the Democratic nomination and therefore did not win the election...but I did. His effort gave life to the work of King, regardless of the outcome of the actual election African-American people won something else during his presidential bid. It can be seen simply as relevance; it can arguably be seen as progress. The question then however, was could it be seen as realistic?
That was then...til now. It has been most recently stated that Illinois Senator Barak Obama is the first legitimate African-American candidate to seek the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. By legitimate, it is inferred that his possibility of winning is more probable than it has ever been for an African-American. I do not wish to debate that probability, or whether or not I feel he is ready; for this entry none of that even matters. The only point I am making, as I reflect on the dream of Dr. King, is the fact that this probability as it was so stated...is in fact the dream realized. It is in that probability, again whether big or small, that we are one step closer to whatever it is this country is destined to be. You see, it is not that African-Americans have never been capable of holding the highest office in the land...there are and have been some of the most capable human beings to ever exist within the African-American race. But it seems it was never probable.
The mere fact that the word probability has even been used still illustrates that there is a far way for this country to go to truly become a place where all men are regarded as equal. However, progress has been made. We, as a nation are moving. Despite all that is wrong with this country there is much that is right. Dr. King, and all the others who have lost their lives for their love of this nation have not died in vain. There is beauty here...I believe the future holds so much more. But alas, I too am a dreamer...for now. The Presidential election is in November of 2008...perhaps then, my dreams may begin to find realization.
None-the-less, on the backs of ancestors much stronger than any men or women present today the African people in American survived...subsequently, now African-American people have a totally different comprehension of the freedom their fore mentioned ancestors prayed to attained. I assume each generation of people has a different viewpoint with regard to their respective history. It is drawn from their own experiences and the translation of the experiences of those that came before them. Today one of the biggest oppressors of African-American people is in some respects African-American people, themselves. But that is not the issue in this entry. Dr. King was hope. He was one man, who represented the thousands that moved a country into a new and unfamiliar stage of enlightenment. Dr. King was arguably the most powerful African-American man of his time...and of all time for that matter. In this, power is not relegated to economic or social status, but to the ability to evoke change and make folks who would otherwise ignore you-listen and possibly act. Since April 3rd, 1968 African-American people have sought out a new leader...the nation has sought out a person with as deep a concern for the kaleidoscope of humanity...yet found no one.
That was then...til now. It must be understood that there is no comparison to Dr. King. The man is often defined by the situation he finds himself within, and how he overcomes and achieves in spite of it. The situation presented to King was an America deep within the throes of segregation, discrimination and injustice. Against overwhelming odds, he became the face of a collective movement into a foreign territory-the dream of a truly shared reality where prejudice is lessened by identifying the "sameness" of humanity. We are one nation, one people...America. The nation was summarily moved...both literally and figuratively speaking. That was then...til now.
There is no measurement stick on how far we have come. There are many opinions; my own life a grand illustration of the possibilities of my generation-1st male to go to college in my immediate family, 1st male to graduate, 1st male to receive a Master's degree and continue...others have followed and will continue to. This was the dream of my grandfathers, and those before them...it is now reality. But simultaneously, there is a large number within the collective African-American community who are suffering from poverty, mis-education, self-hate, injustice and indifference. Theirs is a reality dark in comparison and thus the measuring stick of progress serves no purpose or rather it cannot be applied consistently. Still, the possibilities of my generation and this time period are tremendous. Some may argue the possibilities are perhaps more than King could have imagined? I mean when I have a child I can tell them that he or she, can be anything...anything they want to be. He or she could even be President of the United States. Right?
Jesse Jackson, Sr., who stood beside King when he was gunned down at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee, ran for President in 1984 and 1988. Although some argue it was more symbolic than substantive, it happened. For me as a child during the first campaign and a teen during the second, it was encouraging. I remember using his "Our Time Has Come" slogan in my campaign for class president in high school. Jesse did not receive the Democratic nomination and therefore did not win the election...but I did. His effort gave life to the work of King, regardless of the outcome of the actual election African-American people won something else during his presidential bid. It can be seen simply as relevance; it can arguably be seen as progress. The question then however, was could it be seen as realistic?
That was then...til now. It has been most recently stated that Illinois Senator Barak Obama is the first legitimate African-American candidate to seek the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. By legitimate, it is inferred that his possibility of winning is more probable than it has ever been for an African-American. I do not wish to debate that probability, or whether or not I feel he is ready; for this entry none of that even matters. The only point I am making, as I reflect on the dream of Dr. King, is the fact that this probability as it was so stated...is in fact the dream realized. It is in that probability, again whether big or small, that we are one step closer to whatever it is this country is destined to be. You see, it is not that African-Americans have never been capable of holding the highest office in the land...there are and have been some of the most capable human beings to ever exist within the African-American race. But it seems it was never probable.
The mere fact that the word probability has even been used still illustrates that there is a far way for this country to go to truly become a place where all men are regarded as equal. However, progress has been made. We, as a nation are moving. Despite all that is wrong with this country there is much that is right. Dr. King, and all the others who have lost their lives for their love of this nation have not died in vain. There is beauty here...I believe the future holds so much more. But alas, I too am a dreamer...for now. The Presidential election is in November of 2008...perhaps then, my dreams may begin to find realization.
Late...
Late like two hours past yesterday
and I am awake...
the world sleeps violently
seems some dream of the day's deeds
be they dastardly or decent
most exist...
less live
awakened to existence
but lifeless
exhausted
not well rested
for their dreams make sleep
violent
mirror image of living
like the eyes reflect the world
the war
the death
the lies
the truth
the light-dim but still on
flickering
cannot sleep with the light
flickering
off
or on
off
or
on pace to waste away
the world
God gave us dominion over
dominated
and destroyed
more so
dying
she is
global warming
heat of man's ignorance
burns the 3rd rock
and it is hot in January now
still cold at night
and I
cannot sleep
haunted by dreams
of bastard children
in far off lands
who knew life not long
yet their dreams linger
looking for hope
losing faith
relevance
sleep no more little
children
for your dreams are waiting
wondering why
no one has claimed
them
but it is so late
and the people
are afraid to sleep...
so they lie
awake
abandoned dreams beneath
their eye lids
staring aimlessly at reality
lifeless
light barely flickering
off and on
and...
RushTaper Copyright 2007
and I am awake...
the world sleeps violently
seems some dream of the day's deeds
be they dastardly or decent
most exist...
less live
awakened to existence
but lifeless
exhausted
not well rested
for their dreams make sleep
violent
mirror image of living
like the eyes reflect the world
the war
the death
the lies
the truth
the light-dim but still on
flickering
cannot sleep with the light
flickering
off
or on
off
or
on pace to waste away
the world
God gave us dominion over
dominated
and destroyed
more so
dying
she is
global warming
heat of man's ignorance
burns the 3rd rock
and it is hot in January now
still cold at night
and I
cannot sleep
haunted by dreams
of bastard children
in far off lands
who knew life not long
yet their dreams linger
looking for hope
losing faith
relevance
sleep no more little
children
for your dreams are waiting
wondering why
no one has claimed
them
but it is so late
and the people
are afraid to sleep...
so they lie
awake
abandoned dreams beneath
their eye lids
staring aimlessly at reality
lifeless
light barely flickering
off and on
and...
RushTaper Copyright 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Balance
Essentially it is all an act. This life thing, all an elaborate display of effort in its various manifestations over an indefinite period of time...to survive. The act of survival. That is all it is at the skeleton...after you tear away all the flesh of one's experience; the act was only about survival. Still, it is within the act that we live. Our effort to survive colored by success and failure-gain and loss-which provide the stage of life. Dreams and denials the backdrop...friends, enemies and strangers the actors. All an act...a theatrical play of sorts. Reality TV minus...well, you get it.
But although it is an act, the curtain can close early if you never learn your role. If you never fall into character, than life can be difficult to manuever through. I used to wonder why when someone did something that did not fit their normal pattern of behavior or rather was least expected, folks would say that person was "acting out of character." But now it is clear, the character they were referring to was the character put forth by the person everyday. In part the image of the person outsiders have chosen to see in their own reality, yet still a character created and developed by the person playing the part. Often people think you are who you think you are but who you really are not. Think about that for a second...let it marinate.
It is simple-good people have bad in them. It is the balance of life. Bad people have good in them. The tension between positive and negative energy creates the need for balance. It is the positive and negative aspects of life that creates a need for God. For many, God and balance are both one and the same. Or out of love of the former, the latter is maintained. So even in the act, there must balance. You would not want to fall off the stage...
But although it is an act, the curtain can close early if you never learn your role. If you never fall into character, than life can be difficult to manuever through. I used to wonder why when someone did something that did not fit their normal pattern of behavior or rather was least expected, folks would say that person was "acting out of character." But now it is clear, the character they were referring to was the character put forth by the person everyday. In part the image of the person outsiders have chosen to see in their own reality, yet still a character created and developed by the person playing the part. Often people think you are who you think you are but who you really are not. Think about that for a second...let it marinate.
It is simple-good people have bad in them. It is the balance of life. Bad people have good in them. The tension between positive and negative energy creates the need for balance. It is the positive and negative aspects of life that creates a need for God. For many, God and balance are both one and the same. Or out of love of the former, the latter is maintained. So even in the act, there must balance. You would not want to fall off the stage...
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
2007
It is a new year...a time to make resolutions, plans, promises to self that will surely increase the possibilities of 2007. Everyone does it, even those who do not try to still gain some small sense of optimism with the coming of a new year. I usually reflect around this time of year, on my accomplishments and otherwise from the previous 365 of life...the ups and downs, trials and tribulations and at times the breakthroughs. It was definitely one of tremendous growth. Comparitively speaking, one can argue that all years of life have growth within them, but I think when you face certain trials the growth that occurs is different. In other words, when the challenges that come about are foreign to say the least, then your response to those challenges forces you to develop in ways that would not have occurred had the challenge not been as it was...and thus, growth is different; at times more intense, painful-tremendous.
It is also funny to look at how different one year is to the next, even the way that the year is brought in. In this new year, I had a party at my home...a home I had just moved into last year-no furniture or anything then-and the party brought many people together that may have never even met otherwise, and it was cool. I must say that I enjoyed myself more than I ever have before and that was a good way to begin my year-with people I love, trust, and respect. Hopefully, all the relationships in the room that night will grow into lasting friendships...who knows what the year holds for us all. I know that I need to make some decisions on my future in 2007, real decisions.
Not necessarily about where I live, who I am dating or anything like that...but just where I am going in life and what is it that I wish to do with my life. It is like my course has changed...the plan I set forth initially-well, about three or four years ago has to be, how shall I say this, revised I guess. My life, well, I am just unsure about the direction that it is going into. The beautiful thing is I say this in regards to how do I wish to really enjoy my life, give back to the community and make a difference all at the same time. I mean it is not as if my life is negative now, just not as fulfilling as I one day hope it will be. Therefore the beauty lies in the possibility this new year brings...and the possibility that a firm belief in God reaffirms within my spirit.
It is also funny to look at how different one year is to the next, even the way that the year is brought in. In this new year, I had a party at my home...a home I had just moved into last year-no furniture or anything then-and the party brought many people together that may have never even met otherwise, and it was cool. I must say that I enjoyed myself more than I ever have before and that was a good way to begin my year-with people I love, trust, and respect. Hopefully, all the relationships in the room that night will grow into lasting friendships...who knows what the year holds for us all. I know that I need to make some decisions on my future in 2007, real decisions.
Not necessarily about where I live, who I am dating or anything like that...but just where I am going in life and what is it that I wish to do with my life. It is like my course has changed...the plan I set forth initially-well, about three or four years ago has to be, how shall I say this, revised I guess. My life, well, I am just unsure about the direction that it is going into. The beautiful thing is I say this in regards to how do I wish to really enjoy my life, give back to the community and make a difference all at the same time. I mean it is not as if my life is negative now, just not as fulfilling as I one day hope it will be. Therefore the beauty lies in the possibility this new year brings...and the possibility that a firm belief in God reaffirms within my spirit.
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