Convicted...

I have never really felt like anything was permanent. Not my relationships, not my status in life...not even my feelings about my own existence. What does permanence mean? The opposite of temporary? Forever? Well, today, right now at this moment I feel a sense of permanence...in my conviction to serve God. I have been in a conversation all evening about when and where to serve as well as being posed the question of time that I will serve...all in the name of love. The questions came not from those who doubt my assertion, but who use caution when they speak of the Almighty. At the time of our conversation I felt even more convicted, but now I sit here and try to make sure that was not because of the moment that I found myself within, or truly because the spirit is all that my conviction is about.


It must be understood, that everyone does not believe in God. Nor of those that do, do all believe in him the same way. There are a multitude of variations of belief-yet only one God. In my system he controls all things, planet and universe, and all within it. I believe your path in life is written, and based on the decisions you make along the way you will live and meet your destiny. I cannot prove this theory-but it is mine and I embrace it. I also believe that God speaks to me...not some crazy voice in the night but within my spirit he provides guidance, and through the lessons of life I find ways to apply it. I ask myself have I ever totally trusted God, and I cannot answer. I want to say yes, but if I analyze my actions carefully I may say no. Not all the time. But that is why this revelation, this conviction that I feel is so important now.

I must trust in God...in the decisions that I have made and pray on all those that I even think to make in the future. Though I waver, and struggle to stay on the path of righteousness I am convicted in my belief of the Almighty-and that his power governs my existence.

Took an L...

I made it to the District level competition in Toastmasters...and well, that is where I made it to. I took a royal butt kicking tonight; I did not even place in the top 3. I know this does not say I cannot give a speech, but as far as TM technique goes, well, I just aint got it so to speak. I dont know if I can have it...but that is the defeat talking. Still, I met some wonderful people and it was a blessing to be in the competition at all. If I had practiced more, and perhaps took it a bit more seriously than who knows. Anyway, in conjunction with that someone vandalized my car today. Paint on it, scratch-real petty. So this Saturday was not so good...glad tomorrow is here. Maybe Sunday will be better.

Storm a brewing...

There is a storm outside...thunder, lightning and rain. I know the Springtime brings about these showers, but as the rain beats down upon my roof I cannot help but feel the awesome power of GOD.

Life's Writing Blocks...

Life has gotten in the way of my blogs...my notes to self and all others who would dare peer in. So much has happened in the nearly four months since I exposed my thoughts here for eternal perusal. I look at the current state of America, where every thought you have ever had, every person you have ever associated with in the past becomes a definitive reflection of who you are today. It can be argued one way or another-but yesterday is simply that to me. People change, friends fade away, maturity happens. It is life...yet, somewhere between the print ads and the weather we have lost our humanity and forgotten the sins of self, and place unrealistic judgments upon men and women we at one moment revere...celebrities, athletes, politicians...all human beings.

I don't know, I did not come to my computer to condemn society for holding the few to some upright moral code. No, I just ask that we apply it more evenly...most importantly that we apply it to ourselves as we would the next person persecuted on TV. How easy it is to judge, but how uncomfortable it is to look deeply at oneself. Over the last few months, last year or so really, I have performed some self-analysis. No true conclusions yet. Guess the study is not over, but I have learned alot about myself. It is a journey though, and I have yet to truly determine the destination. I tell myself I want to be a better man-in all aspects of the term- "better man." You can take that how you want, define it for yourself. Some may say you must be bad to want to be better, some will see it as striving to be the best, some will even justify it as needing only slight improvements in certain areas...it is open to interpretation. I am still interpreting "better man" myself. However, I have some of the principles down, and I am working towards them.

Better man-better world. Change. Right. One person, regardless of who they are, cannot change the world; can they? That is the talk in America right now...change the world. Change politics, change America, change the perception of over a billion people. Better world. That is what is on the tip of every one's tongue. I believe it though. Crazy as it may seem, I believe change is coming...we are in its midst. I am a part of it-and so are you if you are just reading this. Our communication is different. our opinions are different and most of all our concept of humanity is different. Better world.

But you may ask who is in the we...well, it is a movement going on. It is not just about Obama-though his campaign illustrates the movement. It is tied to the need to see beyond the parameters of race drawn long ago. Beyond skill set, gender, religious affiliation and sexual orientation. Just see beyond it. You do not have to agree, but that is okay. You can criticize, but respect others rights to not agree. Dispel the usage of terms hate, bigot, racists...they divide. They may even have relevance, but once applied what is solved. We must move beyond that which we do not know nor understand about one another and move towards reconciliation and forgiveness.

People talk about the environment, and how the world is dying. Well, we, people, humanity is dying. The earth is our reflection and she will go as we go...and as we go, from ignorance, hatred and war she too suffers...in the end, there will be no history for there may be no present. The past truly does not matter if we are determined to die today. A movement beyond yesterday...that is what we need.

a movement beyond yesterday
as if tomorrow bound to be better
broken from the bonds of the past
no changing that which has been done