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She sleeping and I lie awake,

wondering what has taken place

in our lives

up to this moment...

3 of us here where once were two

and though I cannot see everyone presently

both present here with me

presents they both be

so I lie awake and contemplate

how to make dollars out of the few

senses I have

intentions clad in my best clothes

and though the stress shows on my temples

I wash away the gray with tears

happiness escapes my eyes

and it is the first time I have cried...

not in fear

perhaps simply foreshadowing

responsibility placed upon me by our Father

Father I too...will be

inhibitions appear but I look beyond them

look to she...sleeping

I, awake

no mistakes in this life

ours more like an unexpected plan

still the expectations of a man

I plan to fulfill

as one is supposed to

so close to God...I reach out

to touch his divine creation

and the movement across her mid-section

a most blessed response

a key in the riddle of eternity...

we 3, infinitely connected

A family

Winter Wonderland

I am sitting looking out the window onto the North Carolina landscape, and it is snow covered and beautiful. White Christmas...didn't happen til a bit later in the day, but they got one down here-which is far from usual. It made it special, kind of picturesque. I have some time off so we will be here for a few days...just chillin with the family. It is a good thing to get out of the city for a minute, away from the hustle and bustle.

midnight

I should be asleep right now, laying down and resting these weary bones...but I am here. Looking into the night through nouns and verbs...not wanting to address the issues of the day but just wanting to free flow-allow thoughts to travel until they decide to stop. The beauty and ability of the written word...

She carries the universe in her womb

life of the great generation to come

comes from within her person

she is deserving of more than gratitude

perhaps praise

for mankind cannot survive without

she

yet more often than not she is not valued

as the anchor of our society

Queen

should be her name

Cold

as a December morning

was her stare into the distance

a witness of too many trials to

testify

she rather cry waterless tears in the wee

hours as the whistle

of the wind pierces her solitude

hadn't thought of him

since the springtime of some

years before

now his mental presence weighs heavily,

leaving tracks in her mind

like footprints on soft soil

seems her soul seasoned with lackluster

bits and pieces of promises

unkept

heart filled with remnants of dreams

developed in a dark room

and exposed to light too fast

exposed too fast-

still first memory of he

a first

illuminating innocence lost

almost...

light in a space less lit

hidden from the present

by time...

and a silent wish to negate

all memories

to remain...simply

cold

as a December morning

Heartbeat...

So it all became just that much more real today. I heard the heartbeat of my child. It was a powerful sound-the sound of life inside my most precious treasure, my wife. I did not know exactly how I would feel when I first heard it, but it was almost surreal. Like I was watching another couple on television...crazy huh? A little baby is growing in there...I saw a glimpse of life on the screen and I could only pause, gasp...wow. I actually taped the heartbeat on my phone as we sat there and listened to my wife's belly. Who are you? What will you be like? Are you okay? No answers...just whoosh, whoosh, whoosh...like waves of the ocean crashing against the shore. We are out here waiting for you...whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Life man. God is great.

I don't know what being a parent will feel like. It has not hit me yet. The morning sickness, and all that is hitting my wife, but I am the constant observer and provider. I am not going through this as she is, but I am going through something. A range of emotions, heart beating faster with every thought of the magnitude of this moment-whoosh, whoosh, whoosh...right, we are both anxious. The baby to be...to live...to exist. Me, anxious to hold, care for, watch...teach...help grow. Anxious. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh...my heart can't stop beating fast. Crazy right. A baby that God has created for us. What a responsibility, and a blessing...an honor.

I sit here now and write this. Both mommy and the little one are fast asleep...least I think so. My heartbeat has slowed down...and the nervousness of the day is dissipating. I can breathe a little easier because everything was okay. We are fine. This is the most amazing day of my life. But I think there are more to come.