Extended

I was in a training class today-actually an executive leadership class and the coach asked everyone how they were feeling at the end of it.  People went about the normal list of terms-"motivated", "present", "engaged"...yada, yada, yada.  I mean I am usually on that train as well, but today, well just in general lately I have felt particularly extended.  Almost like Mr. Fantastic.  Not familiar with the Fantastic Four?  Well, Mr. Fantastic the self-appointed leader of the four, was basically an elastic man-whose limbs could stretch hundreds of feet.  In every one of their adventures it would somehow be necessary for him to stretch to the maximum of his body limit to stop a train, or save a helpless citizen.  Afterwards however, he would be stretched out (literally) and weak.  Extended.

I just think I have so much happening that the thing I really need to take care of-my dissertation proposal, is the last piece of work that I have touched.  I sit here now and write a blog when I could be taking a few minutes to do something toward it.  But I always say tomorrow.  Tomorrow, tomorrow, I will do no more tomorrow but it make me feel okay about today...Oh, tomorrow, tomorrow...yeah, you get it right.  I am succumbing to what many have called self-sabotage.  I must fight my way out of my way...or I am destined to not quite get this right.

Still, regardless of what I have to do-I feel drained.  Like no matter how much work I put in, there is only more work as the prize.  It is like being inside a box and working diligently to break out of that box, and you bust through and find-you are still in another box.  So you begin to work on busting out of that and you finally make it and...another box.  No light just tunnel.  It can be discouraging...and at times can move you into the space of nothingness.  What is nothingness?  Well, it is when you do nothing, say nothing, feel nothing and have nothing to look forward to. Got to, for me to be successful, make something out of nothing.