Dolo

To chill by oneself; kick it alone; ride solo; sans wingman, homie or g (girl, wifey, good good).  Dolo, with no intention but to just be amongst many and not be...present but not accounted for.  This is my status at this moment and it is cool.  Little brew in hand, my homeboy en route, listening to the sound of the city.  Sometimes you just gotta roll this way...

Father...

Humbled by the blessings bestowed upon my person
not certain that I am deserving
but no need to question the gift of my
child's existence
nor to speculate on the allowance of the one
on the way
mine is to protect and cherish each of them
to honor and uphold
to teach, love, develop and mold
and to be
present
every day of their lives
whether near or far my responsibility
is to provide
to give enough of me that they are better prepared
for everything
even the unknown and unseen
to offer them space to become all that they
imagine within their dreams
while allowing dreams to be believed
to never lie, cheat or mislead...
to increase their opportunities
by capitalizing on my own
be the only role model that it is necessary for them to
know
show them respect and affection,
care and sympathy
to wipe their tears, chase away their fears...
provide shelter, clothes and food to eat
to be a man
understanding that I am and will always be their the first example of
to introduce them to God, his precious son...and acknowledge the angels and ancestors
above
but most importantly and beyond all else
to respect and love their mother
for she is the half of my whole
and as that relationship flourishes
so too does the nourishment flow to our
babies...
born to the world as blessings bestowed
by my Father
to I and she
so I pray the efforts I make
for my children
are in gratitude for all that has been done for me...
so humble I am to have received these gifts
I will love them forever
and beyond
eternity

Daddy loves you Cameron and Logan

Copyright 2014

You...

Who I know not yet,
yet I am aware that you are here
already
scared...I am I guess but that may not
seem to make sense
at the present time
time has passed so fast
and the last time I knew of one like you
well I felt somewhat the same
excited yet
responsible still, and even more so now
that you are near
here even
but some how on the way
coming
so to speak
and I await your arrival
thrilled that you would choose me to be with
as if we are connected
as if you are a part of me
you
are
I know this in my heart
and mind
soul centered on acceptance
of blessings bestowed on my person
am I deserving of God's favor
of you
at all
I wish to be
so in that wish I must prepare
for your arrival
make a place for you amongst the space
within my space
thoughts, emotions, chambers
of my being
allow room for you
but it is ironic
I find that you are already
there
present
as if you arrived while I was sleeping
traveling within my dreams
with nothing...
no baggage
naked to the world you are
clothed in the hopes and intentions
of a people long past
ancestral images cast upon your face
your likeness
familiar
yet unique
never seen before
new
beautiful
and fear has vacated my being
you are an illusion
of tomorrow
the hope within my vision
and I am in love with my imagination
for you dwell there
but only for an instant
for you are near
hear your heart beat when I breathe
so I inhale silently
to draw you close
a reflection of all that is to be
you
a reflection
of all that is good within
me

Ray Crawford
Copyright 2014

Seeking direction...

wandering through the wilderess
of the west
lost but blessed
we be for all the
sacrifices
made
tests passed without mistake
mistakes made less regrets
regrets that make for great stories
stories that bring light
to the wilderness
whilst we wander
looking for ourselves

Faded Hiatus

So I have been out of the office for 3 weeks...the first to take care of my sick 2-year old son, but the next two to write and basically move myself into the zone of finishing this dissertation.  It has been a grind, but also a lovely experience to just be researching, interviewing, thinking and doing at least a lil bit of writing.  Now-well, I gots to go back to the gig.  It is always difficult after being out for a while to get back into the saddle-but I have to hit the ground running.  There is a lot of different moving parts at my job and well I have to get everything in order and quickly.  I may not be there, so much mentally right now but it is where I have to be.

I have spent an inordinate amount of time on here trying to get my mind right...this is sort of like my safe space.  In between words and sentences...consonants and punctuation-I am free in this space.  Writing just whatever comes to mind.  That is even what I have been doing with the dissertation, however it comes to mind.  Tomorrow...well, it will be different.  The difference for me is though, well, I have to approach it all in a different way.  Only take on what I feel I can handle in a particular moment.  Understand that it is not about me, but the process of getting work done.  Empower others.  Lastly, don't take it all so seriously.

Prayerfully I can listen more, talk less, and just allow myself to fall back into to work.  Another hour it will be a new day.  Not back to the same, but on to a more positive perspective.  Pray for me yall.