Not quite like ink to paper...shame, I aint put ink to paper in longer than I have run my fingertips over this here keyboard. But here I am, again. Writing. Funny thing about it, you do not quite know where you will end up, if you just freestyle and be true with your thoughts. Even funnier, how true can you be in cyberspace-where someone is always watching, listening, recording every word. It doesn't really matter to me right now though-guess they will use all this to judge me when I am dead and gone-or dig it up if I run for office and say see...he was a thinker. He let his mind roam, how can he be a good leader? They will say alot, but what truly does yesterday have to do with today? Too much too often I fear, at least in the minds of people. Too much.
But on the real, too much thought is not good either. I think I think too much-aint that something. So much so that I know find myself at a crossroads in my life. Believe me forks have come before, and I have taken one road or the other and I am still here. It is not ironic, but a truly spiritual thing. Each step taken has not been by me but for me by God. Therefore, as I stand at this crossroad today...right now, I am hesitant to move. I do not know which way I want to go, and thus God has place a probable option ootu there for me. But I also do not know if the option is really there or is if just an image of something I want to see-like a mirage? If it is truly there than I will soon know, and at that point the game for me begins.
I guess I should rephrase that, life is no game. But there are times when I feel like I am just a minor player in something that is much bigger than me, and all too familiar. Like when I played ball I knew there had to be a winner and a loser. But in life I do not want to compete. I know at times we must and it can be rewarding, but it is not a constant feeling of elation gained in competition. Not on every level and not necessarily with friends. None-the-less I stand here, alone and struggling to figure out my next move. I assume there is time to do that in the space I am presently in-confusion, happiness, excitement and anxiety all bound together by a series of circumstances. All those circumstances culminating here a as a blog entry. I am just trying to figure out the right path.
