I am on a world tour, flowing dolo my man...in the ATL at present just chillin' with fam...word. I have been on the road for a few weeks now, with the job joint, but just checking out a few cities all the while-San Fran, the CHI and today, right now the A...or Hotlanta so to speak. It has been cooler than cool, you feel me. I have enjoyed the time away from homebase, the folk I have interacted with and the freedom it has offered. I am ready to head to the crib, but I have the night to enjoy. I have not posted a blog in a minute, but it seemed so appropriate right now. I mean, I am at my cuzin crib, on her laptop dropping my thoughts. That is sweet.
I have hung out with her and her husband for a few days now. They are artists, they live it and breathe it you dig. I know in time they will be more than successful in their craft, because they are dedicated to their passion. It drives them, gets them up in the morning and even feeds and clothes them. That is real. As much as I love the arts, it does nothing for me that is tangible today-at this very moment. It helps me maintain my sanity, but it does not feed me. That is a different level of dedication I have never known. Be it fear, or practicality or simply an amalgamation of both...it aint happened. I admire that about them, and they are fam. So I will always support their dream.
Now, ATL is hot. It is different from DC-not better or worse, just different. I would say a cooler more laid back vibe, which is peace for a brother at this stage of the game. Maybe we will get out tonight and feel the city...the next post may reveal the night...
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Family Day...
Have you ever watched someone, maybe it was a child with his or her parent-perhaps the entire family and just wondered how did they live? I mean, what would it be like to spend some time with them-really get to know the people and have conversations-laughter, emotions-with them. I am right now, at present, being allowed that opportunity. I sit in the midst of family, not my own, but possibly in time. Regardless, I have been offered the most precious opportunity to be at a family reunion and to become a member of this most insular club...if only for the weekend. It is funny, family is so much alike, I mean different families. They all have the same components-love, loyalty, laughter, lineage, and generations of people. That is family. This weekend, it has become clear to me that though they may differ in color, race, ethnicity...they are all one in the same. Humanity needs family. Thank you to the Creator, for opening my eyes to the commonality of the human family.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Silence...
Is not always golden, it can be very loud. Like when two people who love each other are not speaking, or when you are in need of help and no one seems to step up...when you wanted a partner in elementary school and when the teacher said your name...and there was nothing, nothing but this loud, head-banging silence. The kind of silence that gives you a headache because you keep thinking about what is not being said. The kind of silence that allows a President to have his way with a country's national identity. The kind of silence that allowed a nation to legalize discrimination because that was just how it had been...silence.
America, today...is silent. Many would argue that it, or the proverbial she, is not. That America and its subjects speak out on all things...they act against the tyranny in the world, injustice at home and wrong-doing everywhere. I would not rebut, but, I would add that in doing some of that and not all, and choosing where to do this at because it is directly attached to future gain, well, that is not exactly doing anything...and the lack of doing anything, saying nothing-is silence. In other words, America does intervene all over to include at home, on issues that she finds immoral or unethical or just down right bad...except maybe when it comes to how those immoral, unethical or just down right bad issues may push our own political or economic agenda.
In this, I would then argue, is the illustration of America working most often out of benefit to herself, and not out of a so elevated sense of Moral Leadership. This to me, only acting when it is advantagous to oneself, is like not acting at all. Some good will come of it, but it is not in an effort to do good but simply to do better for self. In that, I feel that the actions are unworthy of praise, making them without true merit. Silent.
I sit here in the Nation's Capital...some call it the center of the political world. Right down the street from where I am seated is the Capitol building, where the business of government takes place. I have visited the building before, and the architecture and design is truly breathtaking. If you have never been there, in the grand Rotunda, you need to go. I have heard of the designs in famous buildings around the world-the Egyptian tombs, the great Cathedrals of Italy, but I have never been to them so I cannot do a comparison...regardless, the Rotunda inside of the Capitol building is a wonder.
An architectual wonder, and within it the story of America. However, the story is not entirely told in the carvings in the walls. No, much of the beloved story of American Emergence is not recorded...not etched in stone is the history of death and denial of rights. No where are there images of chattel slavery-the trail of tears cannot be found anywhere in the round...not even the Civil War is clearly identified.
So why is the Rotunda, seen by millions of tourists each year and within it the "presupposed" history of America serving as the major design element in its walls, why then is the place...upon entering and full of people, why is it so...silent. The walls of the space spoke not of the contributions-of love, labor and blood, of generations of people. The space itself, built by slaves, makes no mention of their labor in the construction of the Capitol. There are books on the building, the architecture, the beauty and splendor but not mere mention of the men who erected the place. Silence.
I could truly go on and on about different aspects of our American community, where not a word is uttered with regard to the treatment of our citizens...but for the moment ponder what has been written. I will delve more into the silence as the blog gains its voice over time.
America, today...is silent. Many would argue that it, or the proverbial she, is not. That America and its subjects speak out on all things...they act against the tyranny in the world, injustice at home and wrong-doing everywhere. I would not rebut, but, I would add that in doing some of that and not all, and choosing where to do this at because it is directly attached to future gain, well, that is not exactly doing anything...and the lack of doing anything, saying nothing-is silence. In other words, America does intervene all over to include at home, on issues that she finds immoral or unethical or just down right bad...except maybe when it comes to how those immoral, unethical or just down right bad issues may push our own political or economic agenda.
In this, I would then argue, is the illustration of America working most often out of benefit to herself, and not out of a so elevated sense of Moral Leadership. This to me, only acting when it is advantagous to oneself, is like not acting at all. Some good will come of it, but it is not in an effort to do good but simply to do better for self. In that, I feel that the actions are unworthy of praise, making them without true merit. Silent.
I sit here in the Nation's Capital...some call it the center of the political world. Right down the street from where I am seated is the Capitol building, where the business of government takes place. I have visited the building before, and the architecture and design is truly breathtaking. If you have never been there, in the grand Rotunda, you need to go. I have heard of the designs in famous buildings around the world-the Egyptian tombs, the great Cathedrals of Italy, but I have never been to them so I cannot do a comparison...regardless, the Rotunda inside of the Capitol building is a wonder.
An architectual wonder, and within it the story of America. However, the story is not entirely told in the carvings in the walls. No, much of the beloved story of American Emergence is not recorded...not etched in stone is the history of death and denial of rights. No where are there images of chattel slavery-the trail of tears cannot be found anywhere in the round...not even the Civil War is clearly identified.
So why is the Rotunda, seen by millions of tourists each year and within it the "presupposed" history of America serving as the major design element in its walls, why then is the place...upon entering and full of people, why is it so...silent. The walls of the space spoke not of the contributions-of love, labor and blood, of generations of people. The space itself, built by slaves, makes no mention of their labor in the construction of the Capitol. There are books on the building, the architecture, the beauty and splendor but not mere mention of the men who erected the place. Silence.
I could truly go on and on about different aspects of our American community, where not a word is uttered with regard to the treatment of our citizens...but for the moment ponder what has been written. I will delve more into the silence as the blog gains its voice over time.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Never-ending Story
I had a conversation this morning about life...well, it began about the end of the world. Is the end of the world coming? I mean, with war and rumors of war-as stated in Revelations...false prophets, Global warming, increase in natural disasters, and people just seeming to be less...well, humane. Is the world coming to an end and in turn, is life too...coming to an end? My response was a simple no. Not that I can tell. I mean all things change, and the world or Earth is changing, but ending...not in our lifetime. Unless you know, someone pushes the button...otherwise, we are merely in a contiuous state of evolution. I would even go further as to say that the story...that of the world and life and some kind of terminal date, is a fabrication and in fact the story-the world-never ends. Life, is a never-ending story.
The person I was talking to just looked at me, like what are you talking about-sensing some confusion, I simply continued. I said that we are just a part, a small miniscule part, of this much-incredibly larger thing called life. I mean, it is broken into a billion little pieces, but it is nearly impossible for us to grasp-even conceptually, the entirety of life. For us, right now is all there is. We can think of yesterday, and read of yesteryear and perhaps even dream of tomorrow but we never really leave the right now. Thing is, that nearly 5 billion other people are in their own respective "right nows" too, and they all have thoughts about the world and life and the continuation of it. All never venturing to far from the common thread-what does it mean to me? But none of them, not one in the 5 billion people that exist, control today nor tomorrow.
They cannot predict the end, or even agree unanimously on the beginning. It is all, this life, the perspective of the individual living it. However, regardless of how it is written, it will never end. All the fears we have are centered on the one true reality of life...Death. The end of the world, nuclear war, terrorism...the fear associated with any of that is the fact that we do not want to die and again cannot truly conceptualize what death is. We do know, or so we think, it is forever...but perhaps it is another beginning. People have written on this, religions are founded in it and yet most still fear that which is inevitable. But the fact of the matter is there were people before us and there will be those after...that is truth. What is also truth is that one day we will no longer exist as this...truth. But will the story end? No.
The person I was talking to just looked at me, like what are you talking about-sensing some confusion, I simply continued. I said that we are just a part, a small miniscule part, of this much-incredibly larger thing called life. I mean, it is broken into a billion little pieces, but it is nearly impossible for us to grasp-even conceptually, the entirety of life. For us, right now is all there is. We can think of yesterday, and read of yesteryear and perhaps even dream of tomorrow but we never really leave the right now. Thing is, that nearly 5 billion other people are in their own respective "right nows" too, and they all have thoughts about the world and life and the continuation of it. All never venturing to far from the common thread-what does it mean to me? But none of them, not one in the 5 billion people that exist, control today nor tomorrow.
They cannot predict the end, or even agree unanimously on the beginning. It is all, this life, the perspective of the individual living it. However, regardless of how it is written, it will never end. All the fears we have are centered on the one true reality of life...Death. The end of the world, nuclear war, terrorism...the fear associated with any of that is the fact that we do not want to die and again cannot truly conceptualize what death is. We do know, or so we think, it is forever...but perhaps it is another beginning. People have written on this, religions are founded in it and yet most still fear that which is inevitable. But the fact of the matter is there were people before us and there will be those after...that is truth. What is also truth is that one day we will no longer exist as this...truth. But will the story end? No.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Genocide...
There was a Hip-Hop song out when I was say, 14 years-old call "Self-Destruction." It was a collaboration of the biggest artists in Hip-Hop at the time, in an effort to stop the violence going on in urban areas. The violence they were trying to stop through their music, was that which has been entitled black-on-black crime. Young people killing each other, at will, and without remorse or even just cause. It was an issue then...but now, it is out of control. Every night a child is being shot for what is assumed to be a legitimate reason-if only to the shooter-but it makes no sense to the rest of us. It is both disheartening, and scary. With no regard for human life, you may as well be dead yourself. The irony is however, that this rampant violence is usually contained within the community that is predominantly poor and minority which in turns supports both the Prison Industrial Complex and the undertaker-but that is another entry altogether.
But prior to prison and/or death, the mere issue of self-destruction, academically described as genocide- the deliberate and systematic destruction of a racial, political, or cultural group-is a real problem in the African American community. Truly, there is no one to directly blame, except those participating in the atrocity. I mean, there has been a recent debate surrounding the destructive lyrics of Hip-Hop, and I have even discussed it within the blog before, and how that has a negative and powerful influence on the youth. Perhaps Hip-Hop is the culprit, as it once was trying to be the cure as described before. But Hip-Hop alone is not the catalyst for the genocidal tendancies of our youth...Hip-Hop is an expression of the reality, not the determinant there of. In other words, Hip-Hop is reflective of that which is happening, but it does not necessarily create the environment in which this behavior happens. It is a product of it...merely the soundtrack of a generation faced with a myriad of issues and little means of expression.
Therefore, the issue is more one of indoctrinated self-hate and a loss of self-appreciation. But as Bill Cosby and others have stated, it is also one of acceptance. In that, I say that because this behavior is somewhat accepted, or even expected in some areas, many speak only to the problem and not to the resolution nor to how the problem has occurred. Where and how did it begin? Does history play a role in the present situation-or has the self-hatred demonstrated by such destructive behavior amongst our young people simply come out of nowhere? We argue over the problem, and to some extent where it comes from, but the voice of change is not as resounding. How do we end the problem...how do we regenerate self-love amongst our children; our entire community?
It is like, the ability to do more or be above destructive behavior has never been instilled in children, and as they grow into adolescence they have a blatant disregard for life. Most specifically their own. If I disrespect myself, then why would I respect your life? Questions never asked but answered in Emergency Rooms and cemetaries across the country. But as stated, it seems that many of us-to include myself-are so ready to discuss this issue but less inclined to take action to resolve it. The illustration of this sad commentary is in a story I read about this kid in Washington, DC, who was taking action against the violence in his community. He was promoting awareness, putting together documentaries on youth violence-just working towards improving the situation he found himself within. But now, now he is gone...taken away by the same senseless violence he spoke out against. Aaron Teeter, dead at 19. I cry for him, because as we lose Aaron Teeter we lose hope...for hope is born in the youth. We lose a grasp on our future as a community...because our children are dying. The story on Aaron Teeter is in the link below.
http://www.nbc4.com/news/13224512/detail.html?subid=10101441
But the entire story of his life, is in the streets outside. What is really happening to us-and why? How can we stop the cycle of pain? Who cares who is right or wrong about what has happened to the community-what can we do to fix it...to move forward? First identification with the beauty within-and a reconnection with the love of who we are as a people. Subsequent to that-marry education with opportunity and you move the mind of the youth and increase their possibility for success. Aaron Teeter was on that path...so many others are as well. Let us begin to reach out to them first...or tomorrow may never come.
But prior to prison and/or death, the mere issue of self-destruction, academically described as genocide- the deliberate and systematic destruction of a racial, political, or cultural group-is a real problem in the African American community. Truly, there is no one to directly blame, except those participating in the atrocity. I mean, there has been a recent debate surrounding the destructive lyrics of Hip-Hop, and I have even discussed it within the blog before, and how that has a negative and powerful influence on the youth. Perhaps Hip-Hop is the culprit, as it once was trying to be the cure as described before. But Hip-Hop alone is not the catalyst for the genocidal tendancies of our youth...Hip-Hop is an expression of the reality, not the determinant there of. In other words, Hip-Hop is reflective of that which is happening, but it does not necessarily create the environment in which this behavior happens. It is a product of it...merely the soundtrack of a generation faced with a myriad of issues and little means of expression.
Therefore, the issue is more one of indoctrinated self-hate and a loss of self-appreciation. But as Bill Cosby and others have stated, it is also one of acceptance. In that, I say that because this behavior is somewhat accepted, or even expected in some areas, many speak only to the problem and not to the resolution nor to how the problem has occurred. Where and how did it begin? Does history play a role in the present situation-or has the self-hatred demonstrated by such destructive behavior amongst our young people simply come out of nowhere? We argue over the problem, and to some extent where it comes from, but the voice of change is not as resounding. How do we end the problem...how do we regenerate self-love amongst our children; our entire community?
It is like, the ability to do more or be above destructive behavior has never been instilled in children, and as they grow into adolescence they have a blatant disregard for life. Most specifically their own. If I disrespect myself, then why would I respect your life? Questions never asked but answered in Emergency Rooms and cemetaries across the country. But as stated, it seems that many of us-to include myself-are so ready to discuss this issue but less inclined to take action to resolve it. The illustration of this sad commentary is in a story I read about this kid in Washington, DC, who was taking action against the violence in his community. He was promoting awareness, putting together documentaries on youth violence-just working towards improving the situation he found himself within. But now, now he is gone...taken away by the same senseless violence he spoke out against. Aaron Teeter, dead at 19. I cry for him, because as we lose Aaron Teeter we lose hope...for hope is born in the youth. We lose a grasp on our future as a community...because our children are dying. The story on Aaron Teeter is in the link below.
http://www.nbc4.com/news/13224512/detail.html?subid=10101441
But the entire story of his life, is in the streets outside. What is really happening to us-and why? How can we stop the cycle of pain? Who cares who is right or wrong about what has happened to the community-what can we do to fix it...to move forward? First identification with the beauty within-and a reconnection with the love of who we are as a people. Subsequent to that-marry education with opportunity and you move the mind of the youth and increase their possibility for success. Aaron Teeter was on that path...so many others are as well. Let us begin to reach out to them first...or tomorrow may never come.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Got this song...
This song in my soul, that I keep singing to myself but I want to let it out. I want to sing it to the world. Now, I ain't much about no singing...but it just be all welled up inside of me and itching to just bust right out my mouth. I even want to just right it down on here, so I can hear it in my mind's ear while writing, but I am afraid someone will read it and not know the beat, and it will come out-into the air all wrong. So I am just holding it, waiting for the right moment to just give it up to everyone...anyone willing to listen for just a moment.
I mean this song, this song I keep singing...well, one might say it was parallel to my life. I mean I got so many dreams-big dreams and little dreams, real dreams and well, unrealistic dreams but dreams all the same. Like my song, they all welled up inside of me, waiting to just come out. Waiting for me to take the right steps so maybe one of them can become true. Patient, but losing it. I know I aint the only one ever feel like this here...cant be. Everyone that has ever made anything outta their life had to feel this way. I mean, there had to come a time when all that they were trying to be, be it actor, singer, rapper, lawyer...whatever, a time when simply being that which you felt you were destined to be, well, that was you could think about and everything you do in life is connected to the destination. Individual success...but not about wealth or fame, but just about doing that which is in your spirit...that which was laid inside you upon creation.
Until you are afforded the opportunity to release that song, that song within your spirit that carries with it your true destiny...then, well, you just existing. I am fixing to sing, sooner than later. I mean I have to, I can't hold it in no more. Help me Lord, to release all the talent you have placed inside my person. Allow that which you would have me do to serve you, come at this time. I want to be ready...I want to sing. Spoken soul...yeah, that is what it should be called. Spoken Soul...
I mean this song, this song I keep singing...well, one might say it was parallel to my life. I mean I got so many dreams-big dreams and little dreams, real dreams and well, unrealistic dreams but dreams all the same. Like my song, they all welled up inside of me, waiting to just come out. Waiting for me to take the right steps so maybe one of them can become true. Patient, but losing it. I know I aint the only one ever feel like this here...cant be. Everyone that has ever made anything outta their life had to feel this way. I mean, there had to come a time when all that they were trying to be, be it actor, singer, rapper, lawyer...whatever, a time when simply being that which you felt you were destined to be, well, that was you could think about and everything you do in life is connected to the destination. Individual success...but not about wealth or fame, but just about doing that which is in your spirit...that which was laid inside you upon creation.
Until you are afforded the opportunity to release that song, that song within your spirit that carries with it your true destiny...then, well, you just existing. I am fixing to sing, sooner than later. I mean I have to, I can't hold it in no more. Help me Lord, to release all the talent you have placed inside my person. Allow that which you would have me do to serve you, come at this time. I want to be ready...I want to sing. Spoken soul...yeah, that is what it should be called. Spoken Soul...
Friday, April 20, 2007
Lose to Win
Last night I was in a contest, a speech contest no doubt and I lost. I thought I would win, well, at least second but I came in 3rd out of 6 contestants. Not really a bad loss, and in many ways a moral victory. I rationalized why I was not the champ all the way home, but at the end of the day I just did not win the contest-however, I did gain a significant amount of information to aid me in the future pursuit of the trophy. You see, the loss is often what is needed more than the win, to encourage or rather inspire us to do more than we have done. In other words, had I won, I would have definitely thought that my speech, and my presentation were above all others and needed no refinement. However, as modest as that sounds-insert laughter-I would have been wrong. You see, at times it is just better to lose...you respect the win more, and the possibility of doing so is no longer innate. It is a gift, a reward, a triumph...a grand accomplishment. It is all the more sweeter having lost in the past. Thus, sometimes, to learn how to win you first have to lose. Lose to win...real simple, word.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Debt
God owes me nothing...not another breath, not another second on this Earth. I am not the chosen one, or a man entitled to all my heart desires. I am nothing of the sort. As a matter of fact, neither are you...are any of us. We are owed nothing...not from God, from our parents or from anyone else we may have a relationship with. Be it your job, your school, your family...friends...even your country. I and we are owed nothing. There are no true entitlements...not really. Most people however, to include myself, never believed this to be true. I am owed something...I have always thought. Something should be given to me for my effort, for my trouble, for my mere existence. But I was wrong.
You see, inevitably, it is I who owe...and you as well. Life was not provided so that we could just look out for ourselves. I mean, the essence of humanity...the reason we were blessed with logic and reason is arguably to make better that which we were born into. If you truly believe in a higher power, and for the moment I give him or her no name, just the Creator, than you were in turn created for what purpose...individual gain? I, in my most modest attempt, say no. You were created, as I, for some higher purpose. I mean it is so easy to look at messiahs and prophets in every religion, and truly believe that they lived for God and for the betterment of man. So why only them...and not us all?
We revere all those, throughout history who have sacrificed themselves for the progression and betterment of mankind but at the same time the majority of us shy away from any attempt to do the same. Too busy, not my problem, no time, who would listen to me, I dont have an opinion, what would people think...what would people think if I stood up for what I believed, what would people think if I protested against all that is unjust and discriminatory, what would people think if I spoke out against that which is wrong...what would people say? What would the Creator say if you did not?
It must be understood, that this entry is not an indictment, for if so than I too stand accused of being less of a representation of humanity and more of an agent for capitalism and individualism...but I see the error in my ways. I sat and I thought about the arguement over the war in Iraq. Congress wanting to pull the purse, and the President talking about how that would be a disservice to the troops. Neither discussing the debt they both owe, to the thousands who have lost their lives and the generation that has lost their hope, for a war that has more to do with priviledge and capital than with freedom. What is the debt owed to mankind...for the destruction of a generation of people?
Numbers and money will mean little on the day of judgement...and I, well, I will be judged just the same as all others. What will our debts be on that day and will our lives-really how we have lived in this life-be payment for our debts?
You see, inevitably, it is I who owe...and you as well. Life was not provided so that we could just look out for ourselves. I mean, the essence of humanity...the reason we were blessed with logic and reason is arguably to make better that which we were born into. If you truly believe in a higher power, and for the moment I give him or her no name, just the Creator, than you were in turn created for what purpose...individual gain? I, in my most modest attempt, say no. You were created, as I, for some higher purpose. I mean it is so easy to look at messiahs and prophets in every religion, and truly believe that they lived for God and for the betterment of man. So why only them...and not us all?
We revere all those, throughout history who have sacrificed themselves for the progression and betterment of mankind but at the same time the majority of us shy away from any attempt to do the same. Too busy, not my problem, no time, who would listen to me, I dont have an opinion, what would people think...what would people think if I stood up for what I believed, what would people think if I protested against all that is unjust and discriminatory, what would people think if I spoke out against that which is wrong...what would people say? What would the Creator say if you did not?
It must be understood, that this entry is not an indictment, for if so than I too stand accused of being less of a representation of humanity and more of an agent for capitalism and individualism...but I see the error in my ways. I sat and I thought about the arguement over the war in Iraq. Congress wanting to pull the purse, and the President talking about how that would be a disservice to the troops. Neither discussing the debt they both owe, to the thousands who have lost their lives and the generation that has lost their hope, for a war that has more to do with priviledge and capital than with freedom. What is the debt owed to mankind...for the destruction of a generation of people?
Numbers and money will mean little on the day of judgement...and I, well, I will be judged just the same as all others. What will our debts be on that day and will our lives-really how we have lived in this life-be payment for our debts?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Disillusioned
In the midst of the unreal
one may feel the path ahead
built by steps of stone
but reality reveal
cobblestone below
each step
stone
may lead to
stumble
trip
fall
God
humbles
all
kneel
fall
on your knees
face to the floor
why
Lord?
say he don't
put more than you can
handle upon
your shoulders
still truth weigh
like boulders
heavy as reality
be to he who has found
that lies linger
long after the story told
regardless of the facts
perception found in the act
the almost
the could be
the what if
regardless of the history
all the credentials amassed
you are only as good as
your last
showing
never knowing the heart of a man
may lead the most knowledgeable
to assume
vote for your exclusion
seems your worth is proven
by that which is defined by men
lean towards the Lord for
understanding
for at present...
there is only
disillusion
RushTaper Copyright 2007
one may feel the path ahead
built by steps of stone
but reality reveal
cobblestone below
each step
stone
may lead to
stumble
trip
fall
God
humbles
all
kneel
fall
on your knees
face to the floor
why
Lord?
say he don't
put more than you can
handle upon
your shoulders
still truth weigh
like boulders
heavy as reality
be to he who has found
that lies linger
long after the story told
regardless of the facts
perception found in the act
the almost
the could be
the what if
regardless of the history
all the credentials amassed
you are only as good as
your last
showing
never knowing the heart of a man
may lead the most knowledgeable
to assume
vote for your exclusion
seems your worth is proven
by that which is defined by men
lean towards the Lord for
understanding
for at present...
there is only
disillusion
RushTaper Copyright 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Spoken Word
I was in a speech contest today...I assume I have to give some background, I am in the ToastMasters International club, which is really just an organization that assists you in speaking better publicly, and they sponsored the speech contest that I was in. Their website is http://www.toastmasters.org/about.asp and if you are interested you should check it out. I like the club I am in, and as stated today I was in a speech contest. I actually won the contest and will move on to the Area contest representing my club. Pretty cool stuff.
It got me thinking more and more about the spoken word-I mean not just poetry and theater, but every time you have a captive audience and you are speaking, well, you need to give them something real. I know, just the word "real" is played, but something beyond just cliche and rhetoric...something they can feel inside them that will make them think about you, or at least your words long after the speech is over and your face forgotten. There are a wealth of ideas in the universe and what better way to share them, than by speaking them aloud.
I have heard many times before, that you speak truth to life. I mean a man's word is his bond. It has been that way since the beginning of time. In the spirit of words giving birth to life, then every time you speak it is logical that you the words you say can give birth to life-ideas in the mind of all that are within the sound of your voice...influence over the thoughts of every person within your presence...the spoken word. Historically, the spoken word has been the most dangerous weapon against the tyranny of man. The greatest leaders led by both their actions and that which they said...to the people.
What will you say next time you open your mouth? Will it be something to uplift, or destroy? Is the tongue that which is mightier than the sword?
It got me thinking more and more about the spoken word-I mean not just poetry and theater, but every time you have a captive audience and you are speaking, well, you need to give them something real. I know, just the word "real" is played, but something beyond just cliche and rhetoric...something they can feel inside them that will make them think about you, or at least your words long after the speech is over and your face forgotten. There are a wealth of ideas in the universe and what better way to share them, than by speaking them aloud.
I have heard many times before, that you speak truth to life. I mean a man's word is his bond. It has been that way since the beginning of time. In the spirit of words giving birth to life, then every time you speak it is logical that you the words you say can give birth to life-ideas in the mind of all that are within the sound of your voice...influence over the thoughts of every person within your presence...the spoken word. Historically, the spoken word has been the most dangerous weapon against the tyranny of man. The greatest leaders led by both their actions and that which they said...to the people.
What will you say next time you open your mouth? Will it be something to uplift, or destroy? Is the tongue that which is mightier than the sword?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Satisfaction
When does it come about, this satisfaction...is it even attainable? I mean if life was or is all good, then would "all good" just be normal and one still long for even better? Is the grass greener on the other side, or is it simply harder to manage? I don't know. I tend not to think about satisfaction-not that I am not satisfied in life, but I tend not to dwell upon it...question it. Things could be better, or at least that which I imagine is better but Lord knows, things and this life I live could be worse. I wonder do all people feel this way...even those we view from a far, the movie stars, atheletes, wealthy and famous...it would seem that when you watch TV or read the tabloids theirs is not a life without pain...without want of a different existence. Many lack the whole satisfaction terminology in their vocabulary. The want for more, material, fame, fortune, celebrity-all forces those seeking into a tunnel of an existence. Burrowing farther and farther away from contentment, and into the unrealistic.
But I am not seeking satisfaction with millions of dollars, and unfathomable celebrity...I am seeking satisfaction with self first and foremost and then with this life I am living. It is a journey, and on it there will be adventures, heartache, joy, sadness, breakthrough and growth. Satisfaction...
I am attempting to make the space I live in better...a remodeling project of sorts. That I think will make me far more satisfied with my home. Even happy with it. I love my house now, but after the "successful remodel" I will really be in love, like deep marriage type love :-) It will also aid me in being satisfied with life. Where you rest your head every night has a definitive affect on how you feel about yourself. I am proud of the steps I am attempting, and I pray GOD watches over the project and my decisions. I am working too, on my body to be more satisfied with my appearance and health. These two things, will provide the foundation to be satisfied in other aspects of my being...from relationships with others to the ultimate relationship with self.
I think satisfaction is all about discipline. Nothing will be perfect everyday...nothing will feel good all the time, but if you are disciplined in your approach to living and accept that which you cannot change, all the while seeking out the beauty in the misunderstood-then you can attain a level of satisfaction with your life. To thy own self be true...
But I am not seeking satisfaction with millions of dollars, and unfathomable celebrity...I am seeking satisfaction with self first and foremost and then with this life I am living. It is a journey, and on it there will be adventures, heartache, joy, sadness, breakthrough and growth. Satisfaction...
I am attempting to make the space I live in better...a remodeling project of sorts. That I think will make me far more satisfied with my home. Even happy with it. I love my house now, but after the "successful remodel" I will really be in love, like deep marriage type love :-) It will also aid me in being satisfied with life. Where you rest your head every night has a definitive affect on how you feel about yourself. I am proud of the steps I am attempting, and I pray GOD watches over the project and my decisions. I am working too, on my body to be more satisfied with my appearance and health. These two things, will provide the foundation to be satisfied in other aspects of my being...from relationships with others to the ultimate relationship with self.
I think satisfaction is all about discipline. Nothing will be perfect everyday...nothing will feel good all the time, but if you are disciplined in your approach to living and accept that which you cannot change, all the while seeking out the beauty in the misunderstood-then you can attain a level of satisfaction with your life. To thy own self be true...
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Do you ever really know someone?
I ask myself sometime, do you ever really know someone...like really know them? You may be acquainted with a person for years, even your whole life but never really know them. This may sound vague, so I guess I will have to break it down. If your friend and you both discussed an opportunity at one time, and later, the friend actually pursued the opportunity-without ever acknowledging that he/she was even planning on doing so-would that be somewhat shady? Again, I know it all seems vague, but bear with me for a moment. It comes down to this, I know in life each man or woman first thinks of him or herself, before anyone else and many think that individual success is the only true pursuit in life. However, if in this pursuit they with hold things from those closest to them, just to ensure individual gain well that is to me, and only me, just not cool. I mean, when things are hidden, then there seems to be something else to them. By hiding the "thing", it attachs a different set of emotions. For example, if I were to visit a someone and intentionally not tell my girl, then it would appear that I was hiding something. Especially, if I shared most everything with her. In that hiding would be the inference of necessity-necessity to hide seeing someone because of-what? It is the what that is often that which is not cool.
The above being stated, my friend's apparent hiding of his pursuit of this opportunity, again, appears not cool because of what? Well, whatever reason it could not be mentioned...not discussed, explained or even laughed about. It is that which is very different than how the relationship with my friend and I has been. It is all the speculation that is behind the unknown reason that now hurts our relationship and changes my point of view. Again, everyone is out for him or herself...just never really thought this person was like that. Everything I even think now could be wrong...a wealth of assumption based on conversations not had and knowledge gained second-hand. Still, something is different. There is an air of neglect and slight disrespect in the midst and it is discouraging.
The fact is I do not necessarily trust easily...not everyone can be let in to your personal circle. Acquaintances are one thing, but friends...true friends, well, that is something entirely different. I want the best for all and would hope all wanted that for me...and I cannot and do not doubt that. But right now, today...something, with my friend, seems off...not right. I am skeptical, just of the rationale in our lack of conversation and disclosure. I wonder why? I have no answer for my wonderment and thus, it ends where it begins...
As much as I would like to call my friend, and talk about this I feel that I have no place in doing that. I mean, I am owed no explanation...no anything. Life is to be lived to the fullest, and every man must first think of himself. I guess I should too. No harm in that. Yet, that is just not me...well, not entirely. All this, again, could be no more than over-reaction. Still, it has put my mind and heart in a different place...if for today only and regardless of tomorrow I will not be quite the same...just really never know people...guess that is the lesson.
The above being stated, my friend's apparent hiding of his pursuit of this opportunity, again, appears not cool because of what? Well, whatever reason it could not be mentioned...not discussed, explained or even laughed about. It is that which is very different than how the relationship with my friend and I has been. It is all the speculation that is behind the unknown reason that now hurts our relationship and changes my point of view. Again, everyone is out for him or herself...just never really thought this person was like that. Everything I even think now could be wrong...a wealth of assumption based on conversations not had and knowledge gained second-hand. Still, something is different. There is an air of neglect and slight disrespect in the midst and it is discouraging.
The fact is I do not necessarily trust easily...not everyone can be let in to your personal circle. Acquaintances are one thing, but friends...true friends, well, that is something entirely different. I want the best for all and would hope all wanted that for me...and I cannot and do not doubt that. But right now, today...something, with my friend, seems off...not right. I am skeptical, just of the rationale in our lack of conversation and disclosure. I wonder why? I have no answer for my wonderment and thus, it ends where it begins...
As much as I would like to call my friend, and talk about this I feel that I have no place in doing that. I mean, I am owed no explanation...no anything. Life is to be lived to the fullest, and every man must first think of himself. I guess I should too. No harm in that. Yet, that is just not me...well, not entirely. All this, again, could be no more than over-reaction. Still, it has put my mind and heart in a different place...if for today only and regardless of tomorrow I will not be quite the same...just really never know people...guess that is the lesson.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Wake up
Ever wake up with a song in your head...or a scene from your own internal movie? Just thoughts, creative ones, that you cannot seem to dispell. I did that today...woke thinking about Hip Hop-the song that was in my head could have been entitled Nostalgia, because it was a mental rhythm about the good ol' days of the artform. I read an article last week that said the sales in the industry were down, and there was no one out there who really mattered anymore. I mean I began in the beginning days of Hip Hop, an old skool head some would say, roots like Melle Mel and the Furious Five, Afrika Bambatta, Marley Marl, Doug E. Fresh and the Get Fresh Crew...the list goes on and on. Cats liked to party in those days, but they also had something to say. It was clean, maybe a few "explicit lyrics" but mainly just good music. Just good music.
We have a few of those artist today, but the microphone is disrespected daily. I mean, what you talking bout? I used to want to be a rapper, straight up-but I knew I would want my parents and my aunties to be able to listen to my music. To at least acknowledge that I created it, so I knew I could not say certain things. Things that are overtly profane, mysoginistic, vulgar and derogatory towards people. Therefore when I wrote rhymes, they usually were on some revolutionary vibe or positive message sentiment. I remember my cousin who was a DJ once said "Man them ain't no rhymes, that is like a poem or something." Forshadowing I suppose, but regardless of that I do not understand who has raised some of these rappers today. Saying the most haneous things out of their mouths, and winning awards for doing so...i.e. It's So Hard Out Here For a Pimp-Oscar? That is a entry in itself.
I mean I do not want to be a hypocrite, I listen to all kinds of music and all kinds of Hip Hop. I may not buy everything, but I get hype off some stuff that falls into the category most recently described. I wouldn't play it with my mom in the car-if that explains it better. But I still do not think the essence of the genre is represented anymore. I know there are undergroud artists who are continuing the legacy left by the founders of the art...but they are seldom heard on the radio, and less known than many of their genocidal colleagues. Still, it is not all about the money or the hit song or cats like Talib Kweli would have left originality home a long time ago...to many, today as was yesterday, Hip-Hop is still voice of the people.
Mind you, some people are mad and murderous, but the vast majority are just trying to make it out here...trying to live honestly and peacefully, raising kids and working too hard. That is what gave birth to Hip-Hop, the struggle. No one wanted to be a rapper...it just was...it just became you. Not for the fortune and fame, but for the people and the message. It is so hard for a Pimp? It is so hard for a single mother with two kids, it is so hard for a brother who just got outta jail for possession with intent, it is so hard for a young woman waitressing to pay for college...these are the stories that do not make the radio-aint GHETTO enough for the hook. But these stories are Hip-Hop...put life to a thumping beat, life in the hood...Black life, Poor life, City life, Country life...to a beat, and you got it.
In essence, the music is getting a bad name. Again, I am not nor ever will hate on gangsta rap and even that which I call filth mouth-self explanatory-there is honestly a place and a time for it all. However, as we think more about the future of a people and the further development of their culture we must look closely at the work...the art, the legacy we put forth and refine it. Hip-Hop is more than the rap song, but the rap song is Hip-Hop...rearrange the vocals and master the beat and rewrite the present.
We have a few of those artist today, but the microphone is disrespected daily. I mean, what you talking bout? I used to want to be a rapper, straight up-but I knew I would want my parents and my aunties to be able to listen to my music. To at least acknowledge that I created it, so I knew I could not say certain things. Things that are overtly profane, mysoginistic, vulgar and derogatory towards people. Therefore when I wrote rhymes, they usually were on some revolutionary vibe or positive message sentiment. I remember my cousin who was a DJ once said "Man them ain't no rhymes, that is like a poem or something." Forshadowing I suppose, but regardless of that I do not understand who has raised some of these rappers today. Saying the most haneous things out of their mouths, and winning awards for doing so...i.e. It's So Hard Out Here For a Pimp-Oscar? That is a entry in itself.
I mean I do not want to be a hypocrite, I listen to all kinds of music and all kinds of Hip Hop. I may not buy everything, but I get hype off some stuff that falls into the category most recently described. I wouldn't play it with my mom in the car-if that explains it better. But I still do not think the essence of the genre is represented anymore. I know there are undergroud artists who are continuing the legacy left by the founders of the art...but they are seldom heard on the radio, and less known than many of their genocidal colleagues. Still, it is not all about the money or the hit song or cats like Talib Kweli would have left originality home a long time ago...to many, today as was yesterday, Hip-Hop is still voice of the people.
Mind you, some people are mad and murderous, but the vast majority are just trying to make it out here...trying to live honestly and peacefully, raising kids and working too hard. That is what gave birth to Hip-Hop, the struggle. No one wanted to be a rapper...it just was...it just became you. Not for the fortune and fame, but for the people and the message. It is so hard for a Pimp? It is so hard for a single mother with two kids, it is so hard for a brother who just got outta jail for possession with intent, it is so hard for a young woman waitressing to pay for college...these are the stories that do not make the radio-aint GHETTO enough for the hook. But these stories are Hip-Hop...put life to a thumping beat, life in the hood...Black life, Poor life, City life, Country life...to a beat, and you got it.
In essence, the music is getting a bad name. Again, I am not nor ever will hate on gangsta rap and even that which I call filth mouth-self explanatory-there is honestly a place and a time for it all. However, as we think more about the future of a people and the further development of their culture we must look closely at the work...the art, the legacy we put forth and refine it. Hip-Hop is more than the rap song, but the rap song is Hip-Hop...rearrange the vocals and master the beat and rewrite the present.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Cold
At times I turn the heat down, to where it is warmer than the wintery outside but still cold. Initially I blamed it on the heating bill, which still bears most of the reason why, but in ways I liked to be a little chilly...to get under the covers in bed and have to rub against the sheets to get warm. Cold is such a negative term when applied to people. If a person is cold, then synonyms would be mean, callous, evil, un-feeling. But maybe at times we all are cold...or should be allowed to be. I am not talking about the way the words that often describe cold are used-but just not warm. Being alone, when the world wishes to embrace you, is cold or has been defined as such. Look at stars who dodge the media, atheletes who do not sign autographs for little kids, teachers who only talk to you during office hours or class...all cold. Maybe they just wanted to be alone on that day-the day they were then labeled as cold. For example, if you would like to be alone, if only for a moment, and someone asks you is that what you want or rather prefer and you say yes...well, that can be seen as cold. But, there are times when being alone is best...I don't know. It is obvious, not all questions can be answered by writing them out; the hypothetical remains...well, hypothetical.
But maybe I write it out in another manner-
cold
as if window left open on wintery morn
air in here is frigid
and the rationale not easy
to understand
nor explain
sometimes the weather changes abruptly
not necessarily anything
wrong
just the present climate
not suitable for the environment
so many toxics in the air
most invisible to the naked
eye
and I try to see it coming
prepare
but the temperature drops suddenly
and we no longer chilling
we are chilly
cold to one another
and though you may
leave for a warmer space
cannot wrap
a blanket round your emotions
hearts frozen
but pride will keep you outside
understanding
til your eyes well with ice
tears like crystal
fall...
shatter and break upon the ground
and we stand shivering
distant from one another
the winds of silence whipping
round
so cold
RushTaper Copyright 2007
But maybe I write it out in another manner-
cold
as if window left open on wintery morn
air in here is frigid
and the rationale not easy
to understand
nor explain
sometimes the weather changes abruptly
not necessarily anything
wrong
just the present climate
not suitable for the environment
so many toxics in the air
most invisible to the naked
eye
and I try to see it coming
prepare
but the temperature drops suddenly
and we no longer chilling
we are chilly
cold to one another
and though you may
leave for a warmer space
cannot wrap
a blanket round your emotions
hearts frozen
but pride will keep you outside
understanding
til your eyes well with ice
tears like crystal
fall...
shatter and break upon the ground
and we stand shivering
distant from one another
the winds of silence whipping
round
so cold
RushTaper Copyright 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Yesterday...that was
Ever thought about the phenomenon of yesterday...the past? Ever want to go back and do things over that you did already-like change the outcome of today by going back into yesterday and deleting some stuff...actions, words, decisions. Ever wish you had just spent more time with someone? Not really worried about what you had to do or where you had to be...just kinda let all else alone and enjoyed someone as if time did not matter. I am not talking about something 20 years ago, or when you were a child...more recently, like yesterday or perhaps the day before. Maybe go back as far as last year...what if you had done something different-how would you feel now? Could you imagine how different things could be...would it be better or simply the same? Does yesterday even matter...did it define today?
The realm of hypothetical questions could literally drive you insane but still I wonder, about yesterday. You see, when it is gone-be it opportunity or blessing-it is gone. Never to come again. I mean it may be in another form-your opportunity or blessing-but it will not be the same and the series of life events attached to it will also be different...the course has been altered...at least that is one theory. I lost a piece of me a few days ago...a major part of all that I am has passed on into another realm of existence-one I cannot fully comprehend yet I still believe in it. I carry with me now, memories of all that she was...my sweet Grandmother, but I ask myself why I did not see her before she passed. I could have, even took off work to do so but decided I had more time...but her time was not aligned with my own and now...well, if only I could go back to yesterday.
Still, nothing would truly change...I may feel less guilty, but my final image would be unlike that which I carry at present so selfishly I treasure all that I see when I close my eyes. My image is absent the hospital, the pain and the suffering-the tubes and smells and my own helplessness. In that I am at peace. Still, I know from this point forward I must try to deal with all that GOD has and will place in my life-presently. There is no tomorrow, no time to get it right later. All you truly have is this moment, that is all that is assured you. So do not waste it. I miss my Grandmother already-I am hopeful that she and my Grandfather have reunited and he has escorted into her place in Heaven. I know how she missed him. It seems like only yesterday I was a little child on the farm with them...I am glad for the times my parents made me go see them, for the times they dropped me off for weeks in the summer, for the Sunday dinners my Grandma cooked...for all the yesterdays I shared with them. I will take her spirit with me into tomorrow and pray to do better, be better, live better.
The realm of hypothetical questions could literally drive you insane but still I wonder, about yesterday. You see, when it is gone-be it opportunity or blessing-it is gone. Never to come again. I mean it may be in another form-your opportunity or blessing-but it will not be the same and the series of life events attached to it will also be different...the course has been altered...at least that is one theory. I lost a piece of me a few days ago...a major part of all that I am has passed on into another realm of existence-one I cannot fully comprehend yet I still believe in it. I carry with me now, memories of all that she was...my sweet Grandmother, but I ask myself why I did not see her before she passed. I could have, even took off work to do so but decided I had more time...but her time was not aligned with my own and now...well, if only I could go back to yesterday.
Still, nothing would truly change...I may feel less guilty, but my final image would be unlike that which I carry at present so selfishly I treasure all that I see when I close my eyes. My image is absent the hospital, the pain and the suffering-the tubes and smells and my own helplessness. In that I am at peace. Still, I know from this point forward I must try to deal with all that GOD has and will place in my life-presently. There is no tomorrow, no time to get it right later. All you truly have is this moment, that is all that is assured you. So do not waste it. I miss my Grandmother already-I am hopeful that she and my Grandfather have reunited and he has escorted into her place in Heaven. I know how she missed him. It seems like only yesterday I was a little child on the farm with them...I am glad for the times my parents made me go see them, for the times they dropped me off for weeks in the summer, for the Sunday dinners my Grandma cooked...for all the yesterdays I shared with them. I will take her spirit with me into tomorrow and pray to do better, be better, live better.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Julian...
My man, one of my best friends in the world, called me and told me his wife had their baby...his first baby. A boy. His name is Julian. My friend of 16 years has a son now and I see the miracle of God and his infinite blessings falling upon him. What will his little boy grow to be...a doctor, lawyer, athelete, husband, father...future. He is simply that at this moment, the future. We give children too little credit, they are the life many of us have already lost or merely given up on. They bring forth new hopes and dreams for their parents, grandparents and in many ways for all who meet them. I smile every time I see a child, for they deserve that from me. They carry no shame, no prejudice...pure innocence. What will we fill them with? Often our own issues we placate on our children, until they are burdened with issues they will never be able to grasp for themselves-for we taint their opinion, their future decisions. I pray for all little children of the world-may the adults find a better path of which to lead them upon. But on this day, in this time, I celebrate a new life and the future of my good friend's name. Congratulations my brother, love to you and he I have yet to meet...
He is my first son,
born to me as blessing
and I cry tears of
revery
for he is all of the best
of everything I could
ever dream of...
all the best of
me...
my son
this child whom has grown
deep within the warmth of
love
shared between I and
she
my reflection
we have created
life
new...fresh...pure
a cure for all that ails
my spirit
and I can hear
the Creator whispering praise
in my ear
in my eyes I see
the beauty
of my ancestors
and my Grandmother
would be so proud
of this most recent
addition
she is positioned over
us both
for protection
and what a blessing
that God chose we
my wife and I
given life
in the form of
he
my sweet and beautiful
son
Julian
RushTaper Copyright 2007
He is my first son,
born to me as blessing
and I cry tears of
revery
for he is all of the best
of everything I could
ever dream of...
all the best of
me...
my son
this child whom has grown
deep within the warmth of
love
shared between I and
she
my reflection
we have created
life
new...fresh...pure
a cure for all that ails
my spirit
and I can hear
the Creator whispering praise
in my ear
in my eyes I see
the beauty
of my ancestors
and my Grandmother
would be so proud
of this most recent
addition
she is positioned over
us both
for protection
and what a blessing
that God chose we
my wife and I
given life
in the form of
he
my sweet and beautiful
son
Julian
RushTaper Copyright 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Passion
I once met a woman and began to talk to her. We exchanged the normal pleasantries, titles and occupations with relative ease and the conversation was enjoyable. I then abruptly asked her, "What is you passion?" She did not quite understand the question, and asked me to explain. I simply restated the word- passion- "What is your passion...or rather what are you most passionate about?" She told me no one had ever asked her that question...and that she did not know. The conversation trailed off after that exchange...and well, I could not even tell you her name. In essence, the name of the woman does not matter it is the interaction that brings forth this entry, and that is the fact that she did not know what her passion was and had never bothered to even think of it. I do not feel like she is alone; that most people do not know what their passion is nor are they in active pursuit of it.
I may be one of those people. I went to a play last night. It was an August Wilson play entitled Jitney at the Ford's Theater. I knew one of the cast members, as we had worked together about 5 or 6 years ago. He had told me when we were both employees in the same spot, that this 9 to 5 was not him and he longed to be an actor. He told me he was going to try to make because he had a passion for acting. I remember thinking, man, you are way older than me-why you gonna try and be an actor now...that is not real responsible. I was a doubter...not necessarily in him but in the entire notion of pursuing your passion. I went to a reception after the play, and got to meet all the actors and see my friend. I told him how proud I was of him, and how much I enjoyed the play and his role within it. He told me the road has not been easy, but he feels so good simply doing what he loves to do...
Often, we are caught in routine; a safe routine where the biggest chance we take is buying a lottery ticket. I truly think that most are deterred from their passion as children...parents try to mold their children's lives to ensure they have the best opportunity to be successful. However, even if certain traits or desires are identified early, if they do not coincide with the route a parent thinks is best then those traits, desires...passions are not cultivated. I do not blame parents for this, it is a matter of socialization. I mean, if I had to work hard to make it I want my child to have it easier, and take the opportunities I provide to be better than me. The problem is that this notion of better most often has to do with "finance" and nothing to do with passion. Money does not equate happiness; a job that you have no love for is more punishment than pleasure.
The arguement is however, that passion cannot feed you. It can...there are millions of people eatting off their passion. But I do understand, a good job that pays well is not always easy to come by. The responsibilities of life can move you quickly from what one would like to do, to what one has to do. Passion can be misleading, unpredictable and inconsistent. It can rise and fall, and bring ridicule and even shame. Still, to live life for something that you really and truly believe in and to committ your life to work in that area is a beautiful notion. To be all your heart desires you to be...is that not what God intended? To me, God placed a passion for something within us all...and in some way the Creator wishes for us to pursue that which has been placed into our spirit-the catch is we must trust in him, through trial and tribulation, to reach that which we were born to pursue. Thus, passion and faith go hand in hand.
If we continue to hide from ourselves, we will never really know all we can be. If we never pursue our passion, then will we have ever truly lived? There are no true answers to this question, all must ask it of themselves and then reflect on their lives...am I getting the most out of this life or is it a dull routine that becomes more mundane by the minute? I used to perform and do spoken word poetry...now, I remember when I did. Occasionally I may do a performance-church or a school-but it is not as frequent as I would like. I think I will begin again...seeking out my passion and living, at least in part, for it. So I go back to the conversation with the unknown woman and ask the world- "What is your Passion?" - and will you ever pursue that which is within yourself?
I may be one of those people. I went to a play last night. It was an August Wilson play entitled Jitney at the Ford's Theater. I knew one of the cast members, as we had worked together about 5 or 6 years ago. He had told me when we were both employees in the same spot, that this 9 to 5 was not him and he longed to be an actor. He told me he was going to try to make because he had a passion for acting. I remember thinking, man, you are way older than me-why you gonna try and be an actor now...that is not real responsible. I was a doubter...not necessarily in him but in the entire notion of pursuing your passion. I went to a reception after the play, and got to meet all the actors and see my friend. I told him how proud I was of him, and how much I enjoyed the play and his role within it. He told me the road has not been easy, but he feels so good simply doing what he loves to do...
Often, we are caught in routine; a safe routine where the biggest chance we take is buying a lottery ticket. I truly think that most are deterred from their passion as children...parents try to mold their children's lives to ensure they have the best opportunity to be successful. However, even if certain traits or desires are identified early, if they do not coincide with the route a parent thinks is best then those traits, desires...passions are not cultivated. I do not blame parents for this, it is a matter of socialization. I mean, if I had to work hard to make it I want my child to have it easier, and take the opportunities I provide to be better than me. The problem is that this notion of better most often has to do with "finance" and nothing to do with passion. Money does not equate happiness; a job that you have no love for is more punishment than pleasure.
The arguement is however, that passion cannot feed you. It can...there are millions of people eatting off their passion. But I do understand, a good job that pays well is not always easy to come by. The responsibilities of life can move you quickly from what one would like to do, to what one has to do. Passion can be misleading, unpredictable and inconsistent. It can rise and fall, and bring ridicule and even shame. Still, to live life for something that you really and truly believe in and to committ your life to work in that area is a beautiful notion. To be all your heart desires you to be...is that not what God intended? To me, God placed a passion for something within us all...and in some way the Creator wishes for us to pursue that which has been placed into our spirit-the catch is we must trust in him, through trial and tribulation, to reach that which we were born to pursue. Thus, passion and faith go hand in hand.
If we continue to hide from ourselves, we will never really know all we can be. If we never pursue our passion, then will we have ever truly lived? There are no true answers to this question, all must ask it of themselves and then reflect on their lives...am I getting the most out of this life or is it a dull routine that becomes more mundane by the minute? I used to perform and do spoken word poetry...now, I remember when I did. Occasionally I may do a performance-church or a school-but it is not as frequent as I would like. I think I will begin again...seeking out my passion and living, at least in part, for it. So I go back to the conversation with the unknown woman and ask the world- "What is your Passion?" - and will you ever pursue that which is within yourself?
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Now and Then
On Monday we, America, celebrated the life of a King...Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. You can just look at his name and understand that God had a plan for his life...King...hmmm. I mean there are others with the same surname, but my comment just goes to the fact that his name and life's work was most appropriate. Most know the story of the Civil Rights Movement, in some form or fashion. Black folks got the right to vote, access to housing and public space, better schools...equality in all things civil, hence the term. However, the irony is that these Civil Rights had been assured long before-just never upheld and protected. So legislation was drafted atop legislation which had been drafted to, how shall I say, supersede the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence. In other words, that which the Declaration, well, declared, had not been enough. That all men were created equal...the ideology of equality was compromised, ironically, it was a mere half-truth or more appropriately 3/5th of the truth-(insert laugh if you think appropriate.)
None-the-less, on the backs of ancestors much stronger than any men or women present today the African people in American survived...subsequently, now African-American people have a totally different comprehension of the freedom their fore mentioned ancestors prayed to attained. I assume each generation of people has a different viewpoint with regard to their respective history. It is drawn from their own experiences and the translation of the experiences of those that came before them. Today one of the biggest oppressors of African-American people is in some respects African-American people, themselves. But that is not the issue in this entry. Dr. King was hope. He was one man, who represented the thousands that moved a country into a new and unfamiliar stage of enlightenment. Dr. King was arguably the most powerful African-American man of his time...and of all time for that matter. In this, power is not relegated to economic or social status, but to the ability to evoke change and make folks who would otherwise ignore you-listen and possibly act. Since April 3rd, 1968 African-American people have sought out a new leader...the nation has sought out a person with as deep a concern for the kaleidoscope of humanity...yet found no one.
That was then...til now. It must be understood that there is no comparison to Dr. King. The man is often defined by the situation he finds himself within, and how he overcomes and achieves in spite of it. The situation presented to King was an America deep within the throes of segregation, discrimination and injustice. Against overwhelming odds, he became the face of a collective movement into a foreign territory-the dream of a truly shared reality where prejudice is lessened by identifying the "sameness" of humanity. We are one nation, one people...America. The nation was summarily moved...both literally and figuratively speaking. That was then...til now.
There is no measurement stick on how far we have come. There are many opinions; my own life a grand illustration of the possibilities of my generation-1st male to go to college in my immediate family, 1st male to graduate, 1st male to receive a Master's degree and continue...others have followed and will continue to. This was the dream of my grandfathers, and those before them...it is now reality. But simultaneously, there is a large number within the collective African-American community who are suffering from poverty, mis-education, self-hate, injustice and indifference. Theirs is a reality dark in comparison and thus the measuring stick of progress serves no purpose or rather it cannot be applied consistently. Still, the possibilities of my generation and this time period are tremendous. Some may argue the possibilities are perhaps more than King could have imagined? I mean when I have a child I can tell them that he or she, can be anything...anything they want to be. He or she could even be President of the United States. Right?
Jesse Jackson, Sr., who stood beside King when he was gunned down at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee, ran for President in 1984 and 1988. Although some argue it was more symbolic than substantive, it happened. For me as a child during the first campaign and a teen during the second, it was encouraging. I remember using his "Our Time Has Come" slogan in my campaign for class president in high school. Jesse did not receive the Democratic nomination and therefore did not win the election...but I did. His effort gave life to the work of King, regardless of the outcome of the actual election African-American people won something else during his presidential bid. It can be seen simply as relevance; it can arguably be seen as progress. The question then however, was could it be seen as realistic?
That was then...til now. It has been most recently stated that Illinois Senator Barak Obama is the first legitimate African-American candidate to seek the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. By legitimate, it is inferred that his possibility of winning is more probable than it has ever been for an African-American. I do not wish to debate that probability, or whether or not I feel he is ready; for this entry none of that even matters. The only point I am making, as I reflect on the dream of Dr. King, is the fact that this probability as it was so stated...is in fact the dream realized. It is in that probability, again whether big or small, that we are one step closer to whatever it is this country is destined to be. You see, it is not that African-Americans have never been capable of holding the highest office in the land...there are and have been some of the most capable human beings to ever exist within the African-American race. But it seems it was never probable.
The mere fact that the word probability has even been used still illustrates that there is a far way for this country to go to truly become a place where all men are regarded as equal. However, progress has been made. We, as a nation are moving. Despite all that is wrong with this country there is much that is right. Dr. King, and all the others who have lost their lives for their love of this nation have not died in vain. There is beauty here...I believe the future holds so much more. But alas, I too am a dreamer...for now. The Presidential election is in November of 2008...perhaps then, my dreams may begin to find realization.
None-the-less, on the backs of ancestors much stronger than any men or women present today the African people in American survived...subsequently, now African-American people have a totally different comprehension of the freedom their fore mentioned ancestors prayed to attained. I assume each generation of people has a different viewpoint with regard to their respective history. It is drawn from their own experiences and the translation of the experiences of those that came before them. Today one of the biggest oppressors of African-American people is in some respects African-American people, themselves. But that is not the issue in this entry. Dr. King was hope. He was one man, who represented the thousands that moved a country into a new and unfamiliar stage of enlightenment. Dr. King was arguably the most powerful African-American man of his time...and of all time for that matter. In this, power is not relegated to economic or social status, but to the ability to evoke change and make folks who would otherwise ignore you-listen and possibly act. Since April 3rd, 1968 African-American people have sought out a new leader...the nation has sought out a person with as deep a concern for the kaleidoscope of humanity...yet found no one.
That was then...til now. It must be understood that there is no comparison to Dr. King. The man is often defined by the situation he finds himself within, and how he overcomes and achieves in spite of it. The situation presented to King was an America deep within the throes of segregation, discrimination and injustice. Against overwhelming odds, he became the face of a collective movement into a foreign territory-the dream of a truly shared reality where prejudice is lessened by identifying the "sameness" of humanity. We are one nation, one people...America. The nation was summarily moved...both literally and figuratively speaking. That was then...til now.
There is no measurement stick on how far we have come. There are many opinions; my own life a grand illustration of the possibilities of my generation-1st male to go to college in my immediate family, 1st male to graduate, 1st male to receive a Master's degree and continue...others have followed and will continue to. This was the dream of my grandfathers, and those before them...it is now reality. But simultaneously, there is a large number within the collective African-American community who are suffering from poverty, mis-education, self-hate, injustice and indifference. Theirs is a reality dark in comparison and thus the measuring stick of progress serves no purpose or rather it cannot be applied consistently. Still, the possibilities of my generation and this time period are tremendous. Some may argue the possibilities are perhaps more than King could have imagined? I mean when I have a child I can tell them that he or she, can be anything...anything they want to be. He or she could even be President of the United States. Right?
Jesse Jackson, Sr., who stood beside King when he was gunned down at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tennessee, ran for President in 1984 and 1988. Although some argue it was more symbolic than substantive, it happened. For me as a child during the first campaign and a teen during the second, it was encouraging. I remember using his "Our Time Has Come" slogan in my campaign for class president in high school. Jesse did not receive the Democratic nomination and therefore did not win the election...but I did. His effort gave life to the work of King, regardless of the outcome of the actual election African-American people won something else during his presidential bid. It can be seen simply as relevance; it can arguably be seen as progress. The question then however, was could it be seen as realistic?
That was then...til now. It has been most recently stated that Illinois Senator Barak Obama is the first legitimate African-American candidate to seek the Democratic nomination for President of the United States. By legitimate, it is inferred that his possibility of winning is more probable than it has ever been for an African-American. I do not wish to debate that probability, or whether or not I feel he is ready; for this entry none of that even matters. The only point I am making, as I reflect on the dream of Dr. King, is the fact that this probability as it was so stated...is in fact the dream realized. It is in that probability, again whether big or small, that we are one step closer to whatever it is this country is destined to be. You see, it is not that African-Americans have never been capable of holding the highest office in the land...there are and have been some of the most capable human beings to ever exist within the African-American race. But it seems it was never probable.
The mere fact that the word probability has even been used still illustrates that there is a far way for this country to go to truly become a place where all men are regarded as equal. However, progress has been made. We, as a nation are moving. Despite all that is wrong with this country there is much that is right. Dr. King, and all the others who have lost their lives for their love of this nation have not died in vain. There is beauty here...I believe the future holds so much more. But alas, I too am a dreamer...for now. The Presidential election is in November of 2008...perhaps then, my dreams may begin to find realization.
Late...
Late like two hours past yesterday
and I am awake...
the world sleeps violently
seems some dream of the day's deeds
be they dastardly or decent
most exist...
less live
awakened to existence
but lifeless
exhausted
not well rested
for their dreams make sleep
violent
mirror image of living
like the eyes reflect the world
the war
the death
the lies
the truth
the light-dim but still on
flickering
cannot sleep with the light
flickering
off
or on
off
or
on pace to waste away
the world
God gave us dominion over
dominated
and destroyed
more so
dying
she is
global warming
heat of man's ignorance
burns the 3rd rock
and it is hot in January now
still cold at night
and I
cannot sleep
haunted by dreams
of bastard children
in far off lands
who knew life not long
yet their dreams linger
looking for hope
losing faith
relevance
sleep no more little
children
for your dreams are waiting
wondering why
no one has claimed
them
but it is so late
and the people
are afraid to sleep...
so they lie
awake
abandoned dreams beneath
their eye lids
staring aimlessly at reality
lifeless
light barely flickering
off and on
and...
RushTaper Copyright 2007
and I am awake...
the world sleeps violently
seems some dream of the day's deeds
be they dastardly or decent
most exist...
less live
awakened to existence
but lifeless
exhausted
not well rested
for their dreams make sleep
violent
mirror image of living
like the eyes reflect the world
the war
the death
the lies
the truth
the light-dim but still on
flickering
cannot sleep with the light
flickering
off
or on
off
or
on pace to waste away
the world
God gave us dominion over
dominated
and destroyed
more so
dying
she is
global warming
heat of man's ignorance
burns the 3rd rock
and it is hot in January now
still cold at night
and I
cannot sleep
haunted by dreams
of bastard children
in far off lands
who knew life not long
yet their dreams linger
looking for hope
losing faith
relevance
sleep no more little
children
for your dreams are waiting
wondering why
no one has claimed
them
but it is so late
and the people
are afraid to sleep...
so they lie
awake
abandoned dreams beneath
their eye lids
staring aimlessly at reality
lifeless
light barely flickering
off and on
and...
RushTaper Copyright 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Balance
Essentially it is all an act. This life thing, all an elaborate display of effort in its various manifestations over an indefinite period of time...to survive. The act of survival. That is all it is at the skeleton...after you tear away all the flesh of one's experience; the act was only about survival. Still, it is within the act that we live. Our effort to survive colored by success and failure-gain and loss-which provide the stage of life. Dreams and denials the backdrop...friends, enemies and strangers the actors. All an act...a theatrical play of sorts. Reality TV minus...well, you get it.
But although it is an act, the curtain can close early if you never learn your role. If you never fall into character, than life can be difficult to manuever through. I used to wonder why when someone did something that did not fit their normal pattern of behavior or rather was least expected, folks would say that person was "acting out of character." But now it is clear, the character they were referring to was the character put forth by the person everyday. In part the image of the person outsiders have chosen to see in their own reality, yet still a character created and developed by the person playing the part. Often people think you are who you think you are but who you really are not. Think about that for a second...let it marinate.
It is simple-good people have bad in them. It is the balance of life. Bad people have good in them. The tension between positive and negative energy creates the need for balance. It is the positive and negative aspects of life that creates a need for God. For many, God and balance are both one and the same. Or out of love of the former, the latter is maintained. So even in the act, there must balance. You would not want to fall off the stage...
But although it is an act, the curtain can close early if you never learn your role. If you never fall into character, than life can be difficult to manuever through. I used to wonder why when someone did something that did not fit their normal pattern of behavior or rather was least expected, folks would say that person was "acting out of character." But now it is clear, the character they were referring to was the character put forth by the person everyday. In part the image of the person outsiders have chosen to see in their own reality, yet still a character created and developed by the person playing the part. Often people think you are who you think you are but who you really are not. Think about that for a second...let it marinate.
It is simple-good people have bad in them. It is the balance of life. Bad people have good in them. The tension between positive and negative energy creates the need for balance. It is the positive and negative aspects of life that creates a need for God. For many, God and balance are both one and the same. Or out of love of the former, the latter is maintained. So even in the act, there must balance. You would not want to fall off the stage...
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
2007
It is a new year...a time to make resolutions, plans, promises to self that will surely increase the possibilities of 2007. Everyone does it, even those who do not try to still gain some small sense of optimism with the coming of a new year. I usually reflect around this time of year, on my accomplishments and otherwise from the previous 365 of life...the ups and downs, trials and tribulations and at times the breakthroughs. It was definitely one of tremendous growth. Comparitively speaking, one can argue that all years of life have growth within them, but I think when you face certain trials the growth that occurs is different. In other words, when the challenges that come about are foreign to say the least, then your response to those challenges forces you to develop in ways that would not have occurred had the challenge not been as it was...and thus, growth is different; at times more intense, painful-tremendous.
It is also funny to look at how different one year is to the next, even the way that the year is brought in. In this new year, I had a party at my home...a home I had just moved into last year-no furniture or anything then-and the party brought many people together that may have never even met otherwise, and it was cool. I must say that I enjoyed myself more than I ever have before and that was a good way to begin my year-with people I love, trust, and respect. Hopefully, all the relationships in the room that night will grow into lasting friendships...who knows what the year holds for us all. I know that I need to make some decisions on my future in 2007, real decisions.
Not necessarily about where I live, who I am dating or anything like that...but just where I am going in life and what is it that I wish to do with my life. It is like my course has changed...the plan I set forth initially-well, about three or four years ago has to be, how shall I say this, revised I guess. My life, well, I am just unsure about the direction that it is going into. The beautiful thing is I say this in regards to how do I wish to really enjoy my life, give back to the community and make a difference all at the same time. I mean it is not as if my life is negative now, just not as fulfilling as I one day hope it will be. Therefore the beauty lies in the possibility this new year brings...and the possibility that a firm belief in God reaffirms within my spirit.
It is also funny to look at how different one year is to the next, even the way that the year is brought in. In this new year, I had a party at my home...a home I had just moved into last year-no furniture or anything then-and the party brought many people together that may have never even met otherwise, and it was cool. I must say that I enjoyed myself more than I ever have before and that was a good way to begin my year-with people I love, trust, and respect. Hopefully, all the relationships in the room that night will grow into lasting friendships...who knows what the year holds for us all. I know that I need to make some decisions on my future in 2007, real decisions.
Not necessarily about where I live, who I am dating or anything like that...but just where I am going in life and what is it that I wish to do with my life. It is like my course has changed...the plan I set forth initially-well, about three or four years ago has to be, how shall I say this, revised I guess. My life, well, I am just unsure about the direction that it is going into. The beautiful thing is I say this in regards to how do I wish to really enjoy my life, give back to the community and make a difference all at the same time. I mean it is not as if my life is negative now, just not as fulfilling as I one day hope it will be. Therefore the beauty lies in the possibility this new year brings...and the possibility that a firm belief in God reaffirms within my spirit.
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