Disillusioned

In the midst of the unreal
one may feel the path ahead
built by steps of stone
but reality reveal
cobblestone below
each step
stone
may lead to
stumble
trip
fall
God
humbles
all
kneel
fall
on your knees
face to the floor
why
Lord?
say he don't
put more than you can
handle upon
your shoulders
still truth weigh
like boulders
heavy as reality
be to he who has found
that lies linger
long after the story told
regardless of the facts
perception found in the act
the almost
the could be
the what if
regardless of the history
all the credentials amassed
you are only as good as
your last
showing
never knowing the heart of a man
may lead the most knowledgeable
to assume
vote for your exclusion
seems your worth is proven
by that which is defined by men
lean towards the Lord for
understanding
for at present...
there is only
disillusion

RushTaper Copyright 2007

Spoken Word

I was in a speech contest today...I assume I have to give some background, I am in the ToastMasters International club, which is really just an organization that assists you in speaking better publicly, and they sponsored the speech contest that I was in. Their website is http://www.toastmasters.org/about.asp and if you are interested you should check it out. I like the club I am in, and as stated today I was in a speech contest. I actually won the contest and will move on to the Area contest representing my club. Pretty cool stuff.

It got me thinking more and more about the spoken word-I mean not just poetry and theater, but every time you have a captive audience and you are speaking, well, you need to give them something real. I know, just the word "real" is played, but something beyond just cliche and rhetoric...something they can feel inside them that will make them think about you, or at least your words long after the speech is over and your face forgotten. There are a wealth of ideas in the universe and what better way to share them, than by speaking them aloud.

I have heard many times before, that you speak truth to life. I mean a man's word is his bond. It has been that way since the beginning of time. In the spirit of words giving birth to life, then every time you speak it is logical that you the words you say can give birth to life-ideas in the mind of all that are within the sound of your voice...influence over the thoughts of every person within your presence...the spoken word. Historically, the spoken word has been the most dangerous weapon against the tyranny of man. The greatest leaders led by both their actions and that which they said...to the people.

What will you say next time you open your mouth? Will it be something to uplift, or destroy? Is the tongue that which is mightier than the sword?

Satisfaction

When does it come about, this satisfaction...is it even attainable? I mean if life was or is all good, then would "all good" just be normal and one still long for even better? Is the grass greener on the other side, or is it simply harder to manage? I don't know. I tend not to think about satisfaction-not that I am not satisfied in life, but I tend not to dwell upon it...question it. Things could be better, or at least that which I imagine is better but Lord knows, things and this life I live could be worse. I wonder do all people feel this way...even those we view from a far, the movie stars, atheletes, wealthy and famous...it would seem that when you watch TV or read the tabloids theirs is not a life without pain...without want of a different existence. Many lack the whole satisfaction terminology in their vocabulary. The want for more, material, fame, fortune, celebrity-all forces those seeking into a tunnel of an existence. Burrowing farther and farther away from contentment, and into the unrealistic.

But I am not seeking satisfaction with millions of dollars, and unfathomable celebrity...I am seeking satisfaction with self first and foremost and then with this life I am living. It is a journey, and on it there will be adventures, heartache, joy, sadness, breakthrough and growth. Satisfaction...

I am attempting to make the space I live in better...a remodeling project of sorts. That I think will make me far more satisfied with my home. Even happy with it. I love my house now, but after the "successful remodel" I will really be in love, like deep marriage type love :-) It will also aid me in being satisfied with life. Where you rest your head every night has a definitive affect on how you feel about yourself. I am proud of the steps I am attempting, and I pray GOD watches over the project and my decisions. I am working too, on my body to be more satisfied with my appearance and health. These two things, will provide the foundation to be satisfied in other aspects of my being...from relationships with others to the ultimate relationship with self.

I think satisfaction is all about discipline. Nothing will be perfect everyday...nothing will feel good all the time, but if you are disciplined in your approach to living and accept that which you cannot change, all the while seeking out the beauty in the misunderstood-then you can attain a level of satisfaction with your life. To thy own self be true...

Do you ever really know someone?

I ask myself sometime, do you ever really know someone...like really know them? You may be acquainted with a person for years, even your whole life but never really know them. This may sound vague, so I guess I will have to break it down. If your friend and you both discussed an opportunity at one time, and later, the friend actually pursued the opportunity-without ever acknowledging that he/she was even planning on doing so-would that be somewhat shady? Again, I know it all seems vague, but bear with me for a moment. It comes down to this, I know in life each man or woman first thinks of him or herself, before anyone else and many think that individual success is the only true pursuit in life. However, if in this pursuit they with hold things from those closest to them, just to ensure individual gain well that is to me, and only me, just not cool. I mean, when things are hidden, then there seems to be something else to them. By hiding the "thing", it attachs a different set of emotions. For example, if I were to visit a someone and intentionally not tell my girl, then it would appear that I was hiding something. Especially, if I shared most everything with her. In that hiding would be the inference of necessity-necessity to hide seeing someone because of-what? It is the what that is often that which is not cool.

The above being stated, my friend's apparent hiding of his pursuit of this opportunity, again, appears not cool because of what? Well, whatever reason it could not be mentioned...not discussed, explained or even laughed about. It is that which is very different than how the relationship with my friend and I has been. It is all the speculation that is behind the unknown reason that now hurts our relationship and changes my point of view. Again, everyone is out for him or herself...just never really thought this person was like that. Everything I even think now could be wrong...a wealth of assumption based on conversations not had and knowledge gained second-hand. Still, something is different. There is an air of neglect and slight disrespect in the midst and it is discouraging.

The fact is I do not necessarily trust easily...not everyone can be let in to your personal circle. Acquaintances are one thing, but friends...true friends, well, that is something entirely different. I want the best for all and would hope all wanted that for me...and I cannot and do not doubt that. But right now, today...something, with my friend, seems off...not right. I am skeptical, just of the rationale in our lack of conversation and disclosure. I wonder why? I have no answer for my wonderment and thus, it ends where it begins...

As much as I would like to call my friend, and talk about this I feel that I have no place in doing that. I mean, I am owed no explanation...no anything. Life is to be lived to the fullest, and every man must first think of himself. I guess I should too. No harm in that. Yet, that is just not me...well, not entirely. All this, again, could be no more than over-reaction. Still, it has put my mind and heart in a different place...if for today only and regardless of tomorrow I will not be quite the same...just really never know people...guess that is the lesson.

Wake up

Ever wake up with a song in your head...or a scene from your own internal movie? Just thoughts, creative ones, that you cannot seem to dispell. I did that today...woke thinking about Hip Hop-the song that was in my head could have been entitled Nostalgia, because it was a mental rhythm about the good ol' days of the artform. I read an article last week that said the sales in the industry were down, and there was no one out there who really mattered anymore. I mean I began in the beginning days of Hip Hop, an old skool head some would say, roots like Melle Mel and the Furious Five, Afrika Bambatta, Marley Marl, Doug E. Fresh and the Get Fresh Crew...the list goes on and on. Cats liked to party in those days, but they also had something to say. It was clean, maybe a few "explicit lyrics" but mainly just good music. Just good music.

We have a few of those artist today, but the microphone is disrespected daily. I mean, what you talking bout? I used to want to be a rapper, straight up-but I knew I would want my parents and my aunties to be able to listen to my music. To at least acknowledge that I created it, so I knew I could not say certain things. Things that are overtly profane, mysoginistic, vulgar and derogatory towards people. Therefore when I wrote rhymes, they usually were on some revolutionary vibe or positive message sentiment. I remember my cousin who was a DJ once said "Man them ain't no rhymes, that is like a poem or something." Forshadowing I suppose, but regardless of that I do not understand who has raised some of these rappers today. Saying the most haneous things out of their mouths, and winning awards for doing so...i.e. It's So Hard Out Here For a Pimp-Oscar? That is a entry in itself.

I mean I do not want to be a hypocrite, I listen to all kinds of music and all kinds of Hip Hop. I may not buy everything, but I get hype off some stuff that falls into the category most recently described. I wouldn't play it with my mom in the car-if that explains it better. But I still do not think the essence of the genre is represented anymore. I know there are undergroud artists who are continuing the legacy left by the founders of the art...but they are seldom heard on the radio, and less known than many of their genocidal colleagues. Still, it is not all about the money or the hit song or cats like Talib Kweli would have left originality home a long time ago...to many, today as was yesterday, Hip-Hop is still voice of the people.

Mind you, some people are mad and murderous, but the vast majority are just trying to make it out here...trying to live honestly and peacefully, raising kids and working too hard. That is what gave birth to Hip-Hop, the struggle. No one wanted to be a rapper...it just was...it just became you. Not for the fortune and fame, but for the people and the message. It is so hard for a Pimp? It is so hard for a single mother with two kids, it is so hard for a brother who just got outta jail for possession with intent, it is so hard for a young woman waitressing to pay for college...these are the stories that do not make the radio-aint GHETTO enough for the hook. But these stories are Hip-Hop...put life to a thumping beat, life in the hood...Black life, Poor life, City life, Country life...to a beat, and you got it.

In essence, the music is getting a bad name. Again, I am not nor ever will hate on gangsta rap and even that which I call filth mouth-self explanatory-there is honestly a place and a time for it all. However, as we think more about the future of a people and the further development of their culture we must look closely at the work...the art, the legacy we put forth and refine it. Hip-Hop is more than the rap song, but the rap song is Hip-Hop...rearrange the vocals and master the beat and rewrite the present.