Identity

There are times, when I do not identify with people who are supposedly like me. It is not that I try to be different than everyone, I mean at some point we are all individuals and no two persons have the exact same experiences. But we categorize, generalize and basically lump people together all the time. I think it is this "lumping" that I resist the most. I don't know...at times I feel like I may think I am not in a category but in reality I am. It is in this exploration, or perhaps a better word 'confrontation' with self that the question of identity arises. Who am I really? Like beyond the "how I see me," who does the world see me? My family-friends? Who is it that I portray on a daily basis?

I ask these questions not truly in expectation of some miraculous answer to suddenly appear-but in hopes of analyzing myself and taking a step back from simply being...to start becoming. I know this is all abstract so I will try to frame it. I have been moving along the pathway of life for 35 years...not exactly in control of the path, but more taking it as it came and dealing with the joys and pains along the way. At one point perhaps I charted my course, but when various happenings, well, happened, and the course I charted was re-routed I kinda just went with it. I have not controlled many of the outcomes that have happened, I was simply a recipient of the positive or negative affects. When a person lives this way, where life is on somewhat of auto-pilot than I feel that person is simply being. This doesn't mean that no decisions are made, but life is not moving in a definite direction because of the input or work of the individual. Arguably, it is moving in a direction because of the lack of input and/or work.

I am simply being. In being, one's identity is soft...like lines drawn in sand. The person is somewhat unsure of who he or she truly is, or wants to be, and is most often in a continuous state of 'figuring' that out. To be or not to be; that is the question. I feel most are in this place, where there identity is fluid and although the traits of their personality may be well-defined who they essentially are-beyond paper-is less rigid. It is not bad to just be...but to become, well that is something more structured; purposeful.

To become is first to understand what it is and who it is you wish to become. In other words, there is a finish line...a completion date. The irony in this is that it may never be met, but the actions and work in this individual's life is all in an effort to become "someone," greater than the present state. For example-he wanted to become a writer. So he wrote, and became an author. So he published his writings and continued to become a novelist. Thus to become, is to be in the continuous state of becoming...moving, progressing, increasing, rising, developing.


Therefore identity, is not a stagnant term. In this I mean if we are in a constant state of becoming, then our identity is ever-changing. We do not have to be defined simply by who we have been, but also by who we wish to be. It is in this notion, that we do not have to be constricted by our identity. I am not a simply a man...but so much more.

I am who I be...
and I am not
I can change the frame
around this thing
but the same
will be
and still not entirely
I am at times
simply who you see-
defined by the world
my reality
far different
than that which others
perceive
yet
I admit it
seems I have got
an image that is
inconsistently projected
on the jumbo screen
of daily life
and as much as I
believe
I be as real as they
come
I am not
not good or bad
nor more or less
the best of me is all I got
and these issues
with my identity