So mommy is out, and it is me and the LO...little one. Just had to walk through a bowl of Captain Crunch on some 'before dinner snack' and me the boy are chilling for the moment, this is really Daddy's time anyway. I am saying, I don't know about any other "pops" out there, but when I get off work I take on my most pleasurable job of the day-spending time with Cam. Guess you could say I have the evening shift, not to be confused with the night shift-wifey got all that LOL. But seriously, it is real amazing to even have a kid, so I try to make sure we get it in for a few hours a day-usually when he wakes up and I am getting ready for work, the boys "hang out." He is in the bathroom during shower and shave-in his little chair, in the guest room for ironing and getting dressed, and in my arms for feeding the dog. And every night, I would say 90% of the nights since he has been alive, I put him to bed. Yeah, bedtime-that is like my thing.
I used to call it the principle of four B's-bath, book, bottle and bed. Worked like a charm like the first few weeks of life. Now, well-it is more like 3 B's. The book has taken an L, and we read or try to read at other intervals but at the moment bath, bottle and bed is our routine. So, that being stated, it seems we are near the time when we shut it down. I am telling you, schedules are beginning to be how to run my life. 7:30pm is usually his bath time, and it all just rolls after that...so in a second I got to clock in.
But regardless of all that, this fatherhood thing is a serious deal. I look at this little dude, and I am truly blown that all the good in me found its way into another human being. I will desperately not try to pass on the stuff that is in the realm of "not so" positive, but you never know what traits may befall the genes. I just will make an effort not to be all obvious about them. It is crazy though, I straight up changed my life after this cat came on the scene-but not intentionally. Like I did not have to make an effort to chug less beer, or not hang out on Friday, or stop listening to explicit hip hop...naw, I still listen to all hip hop-got Kanye on right now as I drop thoughts on here-LOL. Good thing he can't understand the lyrics yet...don't judge me every man has their vice.
But I digress, like I was saying life just changed...no real conversation with self or breaking of habits, kinda just happened. I feel like that is what is supposed to go on, I mean there is nothing more important than family...period. Cam is my heart. I do however understand that the family begins and ends with me and the Mrs., that is not a question to me. But my little guy, I just am overwhelmed by his existence. I am not always like all over him, he is a boy and I am building a man. So, I got make sure he is tough, but loving. But there are times when I just stare at him...or he touches my face (that is his new thing this week) and I just live in that moment. Me and my son. Crazy.
it is like I am staring at a piece
of my being
seeing me outside myself
inside can't help but feel the emotion
building...
filling up all of me
he is so full of life
like the world past our
doorsill will not harm or hurt
like everything alright
and I assume it is
no care has he nor I
for I care for he as I never knew I
could
or even possibly
this could be me
a father
he is mine...my
son
shine
as if God's light in his
smile
while all I knew was I was falling
in love with this woman
but who knew through that
fall all this would come to
be
new life
not known to us
but given so we
could live
differently...
she and I plus
him
like a piece of me I am holding
in my arms
beside myself
as if my blessings multiplied
times two
thank you
Lord
for ignoring my shortcomings
and selecting me
to aid in the raising
of this child
he is yours...your
son
shine
as if my grandfather's spirit in his
eyes
bright, gazing towards tomorrow
future wrapped in the hopes and dreams
of ancestors
sewn into memory
by tales tailored on the laps of loved ones
longing to stitch
the history of our people within the fabric
of his being
he is a new perspective
a framework from which to erect a more
meaningful existence
and my value has increased
worth more heavily weighted
as if a piece of me will never die
as long as he lives
I live better
because he is...
here
like purpose to life
light to morning
my son
shine
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